Snippets
by thisloser
Summary: Various snippets of various sizes, some tiny, some not so tiny, most of them written for naruto meme. Various characters. Some KakaxGai, some Gen.
1. Spandex

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, Kishimoto does.

* * *

Once, after losing a bet, Gai made him dress up in one of his ridiculous suits; Kakashi only did it under protest, and only while they were alone – now, he is haunted by the memory of the way the smooth fabric clung to every inch of his skin, the inexplicable thrill of feeling completely exposed to Gai's appreciative gaze; he yearns to put it on again, but he won't – having a thing for erotic literature is one thing, a freaking_ spandex fetish_, however, is quite another…


	2. Hot

Kakashi is the first of his ANBU squad to recover from the blast in front of them because he recognizes the chakra like he'd recognize his own, and before he knows it, he's running through the crater, mismatched eyes fixed on the figure plummeting from the sky, trailing a blue haze, almost like a wish-granting falling star; Kakashi only has one wish, and it is granted, when he manages to catch Gai's limp body – his skin so hot Kakashi will have first degree burns on ever exposed part of his body that touched Gai – before it impacts with the hard, unforgiving earth.

(And although the first seconds hurt like hell, Kakashi doesn't even think of dropping him because he knows that, no matter how much it burns now, it's nothing compared to the pain of letting a comrade go.)


	3. Hot2

Kakashi has always been indifferent about having to go on this kind of mission, but now, as the target ignores him in favor of undressing Gai with his eyes –_ Gai_ who has only ever been the muscle and never the bait, who has never had to do _that_ for information, who swallows uneasily and forces a suspiciously shaky version of his blinding smile – he feels his body grow hot with rage and the burning desire to tear their target's throat out.

* * *

A.N: This horrible thing wants to turn into a story, but I really don't think it should.


	4. Surface

Gai didn't notice that he was standing in the middle of the lake – a perfectly calibrated film of chakra between the soles of his feet and the surface of the water – until after he had chased down Kakashi and punched the other boy (who was too surprised to see the notoriously talentless loser master a move that had taken _him _an hour of practice) square in the face, scoring his first point against Kakashi by sending him splashing into the water.

(Of course, as soon as Gai looked down and realization hit, he followed his rival with an undignified yelp.)


	5. Ds

They call him Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-san, Kakashi-sempai, Kakashi-taichou, the great copy ninja, Sharingan no Kakashi; people look up to him, admire him, fear him, but when he is here, pinned to the ground under Gai's weight, one of Gai's hands around his throat, the other braced on the ground as Gai leans closer,_ closer_, he knows he yearns to be only this – _Gai's_.


	6. Rough

They both like it rough – it's what comes natural to them; challenges and sparring, heated battles; adrenaline fuelling lust, until kicks and punches turn to grappling and groping, clothes are torn off, exposing hot skin, already slick with sweat, and they'll roll on the ground, still wrestling for dominance, still fighting, _always_ fighting because it's the only thing they know.


	7. Rough 2

The scary part is not when they tear into each other – bruising, scratching, biting, moaning – no, it's the aftermath that unsettles Kakashi – when they're lying next to each other, and Gai rolls over to face him, invades his space to trace Kakashi's bottom lip with his thumb, to whisper tender nothings about ʻLoveʼ and ʻBeautyʼ into his ear – it is then that Kakashi realizes where this will end, that he can hear the voices of those he failed to protect in Gai's murmurs.

And finally, when Gai's lips brush across the scar, it feels like he's already gone, like he's already one of Kakashi's ghosts.


	8. Size

"Just look at how long it is!"

Kakashi sighed and looked. It really was long – _twice_ as long as it was supposed to be.

"I bet you couldn't handle anything that big! It's the ultimate weapon!" Gai boasted, all puffed out chest and sparkly teeth.

Kakashi sighed again. "You can't fight with something like this; it'll just get in the way. You need to get it shortened."

"But—"

"Plus," Kakashi interrupted before Gai could go off on one of his endless rants again, "people will think you're compensating for something."

Gai's jaw dropped; tears filled his eyes.

Kakashi found it in him to put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder; he could – sort of – understand how this might be hard for any man to accept.

"Get it shortened," he repeated gently but firmly.

When he finally walked away, however, he couldn't suppress the laugh any longer.

_A six-section staff, Gai? _

_Really?_


	9. Size 2

The one glimpse he _accidentally_ caught at the onsen lasted only a second, but Kakashi instantly knew that the crack in his self-confidence would last him a lifetime.

(And if Gai's über-sparkly grin of superiority was anything to go by, he knew it too.)


	10. Size 3

No one would have guessed that of all the things that could have come between them – their opposite personalities, Kakashi's past, Gai's weird looks and mannerisms – it would be the abnormally large size of Gai's penis that made a relationship between them impossible, since every time Gai pulled down his pants, Kakashi instantly fainted.


	11. Brawny

Kakashi never envied Gai his magnificent physique – he knew he was never meant to be the muscle, he was always the tactician, the leader, the genius – at least until the day Gai used his own body to shield Kakashi from a missing nin's fire and earth combination jutsu because Kakashi was the tactician, the leader, the genius and Konoha needed him while Gai was just the brawn, the muscle, the expendable one, and Kakashi hated him for it, and wished it could have been the other way around.

* * *

A.N.: Okay, this might turn into a longer fic at some point... maybe. (If I ever finish any of my other stuff.)


	12. 2012 fills, various characters

**Fills from the most recent naruto_meme sentence fill round. Character/Pairing, prompt:  
**

* * *

**Kakashi/Gai, puberty**

"Look, Kakashi, it's gotten bigger! Look, it's not acorn-sized anymore!" Gai shouts, pulling his suit open like the crazy exhibitionist that he is, but Kakashi can't look anymore because puberty has been doing some strange things to him, too, lately and he can already feel certain stirrings _down there_ and a blush creeping to his face _and he's got to go._

* * *

**Kakashi/Gai, set after that Naruto SD episode with the bodyswitch (Kakashi gets Tenten's body, Gai Neji's)**

The upside to the whole mess was that, for those few days until Ino recovered at least, Kakashi and Gai were finally able to hold hands in public.

* * *

**Kakashi, Gai; end**

Kakashi is ninety-two years old and he really shouldn't be shuffling up the hill to the memorial stone in the snow (or that's what Naruto says at least, but then the brat's an old fart himself by now and probably more senile than Kakashi anyway), but he is, and of course he slips on an icy spot and falls backwards into the cold white, surprisingly soft and not _that_ uncomfortable snow, where he lies, staring into the sky, mentally cursing and wondering how much of a bitch it will be to try to get to his feet again, when, suddenly, out of nowhere, someone offers him a hand, and he catches sight of the green sleeve and thinks "Lee" and braces himself for a long, tedious lecture, except that when he looks up properly it's not Lee because Lee's hair is grey by now and the man in front of him is only thirty years old (he knows that for a fact), and anyway, he isn't lecturing him or looking concerned, no, he's grinning, taking Kakashi's hand and pulling him up, saying, "You made me wait for more than sixty years this time, rival!" and Kakashi looks at Gai and grins back, a little shakily, not that he'd admit it, not that it matters now, and all he can think is _"Finally."_

* * *

**Kakashi/Gai, heartache**

He says _no_ although he desperately wants to say _yes_, and jutsus away before Gai can get a word in; it might sting a little now, but Kakashi knows that this way, he is sparing them a lot of future heartache.

* * *

**Kakashi/Gai, soulmate**

Kakashi doesn't have a single word to describe what Gai is to him; decades ago he would have called him a "pest", a few years later it might have been "rival" (though not with a straight face), at some point he made it to "friend" (but never within earshot of Gai), and these days, these days Kakashi has given up on trying to explain Gai's role in his life to other people; all Kakashi knows is that Gai is the one he wants by his side when he goes on a mission, and that Gai is the one person whose absence affects him so much that, when he's not in the village, Kakashi has trouble sleeping through the night.

* * *

"It has nothing to do with destiny or fate or anything like that," Gai huffs in reply to Kakashi's half-joking suggestion, "_we_ found each other, and - whatever happens - we'll always find each other again."

* * *

**Kakashi/Gai, ****Mamihlapinatapai**

A million accidental touches, a million times their eyes meet and they both look away, a million opportunities, cruelly transformed into a million regrets in that last moment, that last shared glance as Gai opens the eighth gate.

* * *

**Any character; rhwe**

As Kurenai draped a blanket over the snoring boy lying naked on the roof of the Hokage Tower, she couldn't help but wonder if this was some kind of karmic retribution for teasing Guy about _his_ student's drunken antics, but then she was still better off than Guy; all she had to do was deliver her charge to his parents' house - surely Shibi would have a few words for his son when he woke up.

* * *

**Team Ebisu, Genma, Gai**

They all just stare at each other for two very awkward seconds before Ebisu clears his throat and tentatively raises his hand, saying, "Excuse me, Sensei, shouldn't there be a girl on our team?"

* * *

In the past, Genma was always a little annoyed and embarrassed by the fact that, despite being the oldest, everyone could see he was neither the strongest nor the smartest member of his Genin team, but now that sensei's lying dead on the ground, and Guy is sobbing like a baby and Ebisu's hands are trembling, and they're still in the middle of a damn battlefield, he realizes that none of that ever mattered; what matters is: he's the oldest, he's responsible and he _will_ bring his team home.

* * *

**Jiraiya, puberty**

Tsunade had always found Jiraiya annoying, but then he hit puberty and everything got _a whole lot_ worse.

* * *

**Lee, puberty**

Lee had been looking forward to puberty, to becoming a man, a man like his sensei, but the thing that changes first is the way he feels when Guy-sensei hugs him - he always loved that feeling, the warmth of his sensei's embrace, but now he feels his own body heat up in return, feels his mind go fuzzy, and Guy-sensei seems to feel it too because more and more the hugs are replaced by pats on the back, and he starts saying things like "You should spend more time with your friends", when all Lee wants is to spend even more time with Guy-sensei and he's confused and it _hurts_.

* * *

**Kisame, Gai; fun**

In his last moment, before his own blood clouds his vision, Kisame thinks that it would have been fun to get to fight insect brain one more time, and then maybe another and another...

* * *

**Sakumo; touch**

He gets to see his son again - all grown up - but not in the flesh, not tangible, so he is denied the thing he wants most, to just hold his boy in his arms one last time.

* * *

**Gai/Yamato; stamina**

After a _month_ of what Gai called "wooing" and Yamato, in his constant complaints, described as "incessant pestering", Kakashi finally couldn't take being stuck in the middle anymore and put his foot down, telling his kohai that trying to outwait _Maito Gai_, the tireless Green Beast, was pointless, so would he please just go on one damn date already, and if he didn't like it, Kakashi himself would put a permanent stop to Gai's love-induced insanity.

In the end Kakashi congratulated himself on getting rid of both of them for one blissfully quiet night - and all would have been well, if not for the fact that Yamato actually enjoyed the date a lot and wanted to go on many more, while poor Kakashi quickly grew bored of his quiet nights alone and secretly missed his kohai and his rival, who now were too wrapped up in each other to spend time with him.

* * *

**KakaYamaGai; jealousy**

Their whole relationship is practically based on little jealousies, the constant tug of war between Gai and Tenzou, that, one day, gave Kakashi the brilliant idea to let them compete in a more… pleasant and productive way.

* * *

Yamato used to think that, if it wasn't for Kakashi, he'd never be with Maito Gai, and, truth be told, he was a little jealous of Gai sometimes – of the past he shared with Kakashi, of the easy rapport between the two "rivals" – but then he comes home after a failed mission one day, and Kakashi – too hung up on his own regrets and failures - can't manage more than an awkward hand on his shoulder, and Yamato himself doesn't even know how to ask for comfort, but Gai emerges from the bedroom, gives him one look and simply wraps his arms around Yamato, giving him exactly what he needs when he needs it most, making all jealousy evaporate, leaving only gratitude.

* * *

Having two lovers, sharing, is not always easy, jealousy can be a problem, as little as he wants to admit it, even Kakashi feels it sometimes (the few times he's come home from a mission early just to walk in on Gai and Tenzou), but he thinks of their arrangement as having back-up, and it's not a very nice thought, he knows that, it's not like one of them could ever replace the other, however, they all live dangerous lives, and his motivation is not entirely selfish: he likes to think that, if anything should happen to him, Gai and Tenzou would still have each other, that Tenzou would keep Gai grounded, and that Gai would not let Tenzou drown in sorrow.

* * *

**Chiyo, Sakumo; grudge**

The message was presented to her as good news, hearing about her enemy's fall from grace and subsequent suicide should have eased her pain, but it had the opposite effect because all this time, Chiyo had had her grudge to hold on to, she'd had a goal - to fight and defeat the monster who had robbed her of her family, but now Hatake Sakumo had taken that from her as well, and as if that wasn't enough, he had killed himself - monsters didn't do that, _men_ did, and she didn't want to think about the man who, tormented by shame, had taken his own life, she wanted to keep hating the monster, she wanted to keep dreaming about the moment she would finally slay him; she had learned to live without her son - she'd had no choice - but she knew if she let go of her grudge, there would be nothing left to fill that hole inside of her.

* * *

**Lee, Intoxication**

Lee hates the effect alcohol has on him, but, deep down, he knows he loves the moments afterwards, when he's only half-conscious and Guy-sensei carries him home on his back, and Lee can bury his face in the crook of his sensei's neck and breathe in his smell and sleep in his bed, knowing that Guy-sensei is watching over him, knowing that, no matter how badly he behaved, Guy-sensei still loves him.

* * *

It takes him a while to notice that his feelings towards Guy-sensei are changing, that Guy-sensei's presence suddenly makes him light-headed and nervous, that his palms get sweaty and his cheeks grow hot when Guy-sensei touches him, but when he finally does, Lee knows there is something wrong with this, with _him_, and he is absolutely terrified that this new feeling will poison their relationship.

* * *

**Tsunade, Team 7, Yuanfen**

There is a pattern woven into Konoha's history, threads of fate, always in triplets, two of them chasing each other, the third caught in the middle... and despite how much she believes in Naruto and Sakura, sometimes Tsunade still finds it painful to watch the new generation retrace the steps of the old so faithfully, because she knows how this dance ends, has always ended, and deep down she isn't convinced the cycle can be broken.


	13. Hinata, discipline

Hinata trained every day. She started in the morning; early, when the sun was just peeking out from behind the horizon, she would be in the courtyard, going through her katas silently so as not to wake Father.

Father, too, got up early but not as early as she did. Father, too, practiced his katas but alone in his room. No one was allowed to see him do anything as lowly as training.

After breakfast Hanabi usually joined Hinata. Then they stood side by side, striking the training dummies again and again, and Father would stand behind them, arms folded, watching, judging.

In her father's presence, Hinata could feel her heart flutter, always. Weakness – and she knew about it, in hushed conversations she tried not to overhear that word, _weak_, often trailed her name like a shadow – weakness, which she'd inherited from her mother, or so she'd heard, soared when he was near.

She tried to think of it in those terms, weakness, a separate being, an enemy she could and _would_ fight. Although, deep down, she knew of course that it was a part of her. That in a way, it was _her_.

She was weakness and she fought herself until her palms could not strike true any longer because they were slippery with blood.

In moments like that she would risk a glance over her shoulder, at Father's face, anxious to see his reaction, yearning for his approval, hoping—

And then she'd see, each time, that his stern gaze had already slid past her, that it had already settled on her younger sister, as if there was only one real girl there to begin with and she, the other one, was just a ghost, a memory of failure, soon to be forgotten.


	14. Asuma, Hiruzen, disconnected

Stretched out on the ground, soaking up the sun with a cigarette between his lips, Asuma closed his eyes and sighed contently. Once again, he'd managed to shake off sensei and had withdrawn to his favorite "hiding spot", if you could call it that. Hiding in plain sight wasn't really a tried and tested Konoha shinobi strategy, but so far it had worked fine for him. Sensei had never come looking for him here, and, more importantly, neither had his old man.

Apparently the best place to hide from the Third Hokage was right on top of his head. The rock version, that was.

Asuma chuckled to himself until, suddenly, a shadow fell over him. A cloud?

No.

Right in front of him, someone cleared his throat. He would have known that _harrumph _anywhere. His eyes snapped open.

The reinstated Third Hokage loomed over him like a storm cloud.

There was no running now.

Asuma forced himself to relax and accept the inevitable. Not like he had a choice.

"Your sensei tells me you lack discipline," Father began conversationally, eyebrows raised. "That is a nasty habit you picked up there." A pointed look at the cigarette.

Asuma shot a similar but slightly less sharp one at the pipe in the father's hand.

"Yes, well." Mildly, "it will stunt your growth."

"I'm already taller than you."

"And wiser?"

Asuma looked away. No, he knew he wasn't. Would never be, probably. But wisdom hadn't stopped the kyuubi. Wisdom hadn't saved his mother's life. So what good was wisdom?

They'd already had that particular argument, though. No use going over it again.

This was shaping up to be more troublesome than training with the old pervert would have been.

"I'm going back," he said, getting to his feet and dusting himself off without meeting the Third's eyes.

Whenever he got into fights with his father, his mother used to break them up, usually by telling off both of them. _"It's my own fault,"_ she'd say afterwards, _"for marrying a stubborn fool and giving birth to his foolish, stubborn children."_

It hurt, a hot stab of pain right through his chest. It always caught him off guard, the reality of her absence.  
The finality of it.

_Your mother gave her life to protect something important. I couldn't be prouder of her. _

_What about _her _life? Wasn't that something worth protecting? _

_One day, Asuma, you will understand that there are things more important than the life of one individual._

Ever since her death, they'd had this argument over and over. They'd gotten to a point where speaking the words wasn't even necessary anymore, a single moment of their eyes meeting over the dinner table, past the empty spot where Mother used to sit, was enough.

Unlike his parents, Asuma would gladly waste his life, shirk his responsibilities, but he knew his father would never let him. He'd have to live the life of a Konoha shinobi, the life he was supposed to live.

He didn't see the point of it.

If he was going to be forced to get involved in matters, in fights, in wars, then he wanted to pick his own cause at least, not just become one more name on the cenotaph for… What exactly? The will of fire? His father's favorite expression, but what did that even mean? The willingness to throw your life away for Konoha?

He wasn't sure he had it anymore. He wanted to serve a bigger purpose than that. Looking down on it from the top of the Hokage mountain, Konoha seemed small and insignificant compared to the world that was out there, that he'd never get to see except on missions.

He'd turned his back on his father and the view of the village and was about to walk back down to the training fields – extra-slowly – when he felt his father's hand on his shoulder.

"Wait," his old man, the God of Shinobi, said, "look."

Asuma turned around and looked down into the village once more.

The kyuubi attack had taken its toll, and from up above you could see that what looked like a random deep furrow in the ground when you stood next to it was actually part of the huge claw marks the monster had left.

Scaffolds had been erected; people were trying to salvage the salvageable, to replace what was lost. It seemed like a wasted effort to Asuma, an act of repression.

And whatever his father was trying to show him, he didn't see it.


	15. jounin generation, different

In the end, this is the way it all plays out:

Obito is the first one lost.

Miles away from her home village, Shizune is the first one drunk (accidentally downing her master's sake).

Rin is the first to die.

Asuma is the first one to take up smoking.

Anko is the first to kill a kid younger than herself.

Ebisu is the first to acquire porn.

Kurenai is the first one to drive an enemy insane with her jutsu.

Gai is the first to grow a hair on his chest.

Ibiki is the first one to get captured and tortured for hours.

Hayate is the first to go on a date.

Genma is the first to torture an enemy for information.

Raidou is the first to lose his virginity.

Kakashi is the first one to become the last surviving member of his team.

They all grow.

They all change.

They all lose their innocence.

All except for Rin, who will stay the same, forever.

Slowly fading into oblivion.


	16. GaixKakashi, protective

Gai has a secret.

Every night, after training, when he's alone in his tiny apartment, he sits down on his bed, takes the lotus position and closes his eyes.

It works best when he is tired, when he's already exhausted from a whole day of training, when he's at his limit.

That's when the impossible becomes possible.

Gai knows it's a forbidden technique.

He knows sensei would never approve.

But the more time Gai spends around Kakashi, the more he realizes that something has changed.

The truth is that it's not about _beating _Kakashi anymore.

But that's a secret, too.


	17. broken: Sakumo, Gai, Kakashi

There's a kid sitting in the scraggly red pine in his – actually his wife's - garden. Sakumo spotted him half an hour ago when the boy foolishly stretched his – no doubt cramped – legs. The small movement, seen only in his peripheral vision through a crack in the blinds was enough to alert Sakumo to his presence.

He has been watching the boy ever since, sipping bitter green tea while casting little glances over the rim of his chipped cup.

No doubt the boy has come to visit Kakashi, who is on a mission, has been away for some time and, or so it occurs to him now, might actually be scheduled to return soon. He should know this; he should keep track of his only son's comings and goings, she would want him to, but the truth is that Sakumo can barely even look at Kakashi.

All recent memories of his son are snapshots showing Kakashi entering or exiting the frame. Kakashi is the shadow that falls across the veranda a few seconds before Sakumo withdraws into the house. Kakashi is the sound of approaching footsteps that drive him into the dark corners of his room.

While Kakashi comes and goes, Sakumo hasn't left the house or opened the blinds since that mission.

Kakashi shops and cooks and cleans.

He leaves food for Sakumo in the same manner he places offerings at his mother's grave, dutifully.

Sakumo glances up again, through the steam rising from his cup, at his little _kodama_. What a ridiculous shade of green he is.

Were his wife here now, she would probably play a prank on him, startle him and make him fall out of his tree, but afterwards she'd invite him into the house to feed him and joke around with him.

Less than two months ago, Sakumo himself would have gone out and talked to the kid, would have invited him in, offered him tea to warm himself up. He would have made an effort for her sake, trying to act the way she would have wanted him to. So he and the kid would have waited for Kakashi together and Sakumo would have encouraged his son to train with the other boy. He would have talked about the importance of comradeship.

That was before.

Now, he knows that the boy must be freezing; he knows that his son, Kakashi, a chuunin since the age of six, won't give him the time of day, and yet Sakumo simply can't find it in himself to care.

He just looks through the fogged up glass out at the overgrown garden, once beloved by his wife and tended to in her memory, now left to the weeds. He looks at the oblivious boy who is staring hopefully into the distance; he notices the strips of bark that are gradually coming off the tree trunk.

_It's already rotted inside out_, Sakumo thinks.

At the back of the house, a window creaks open.

All around the boy in the dying tree, the sky is crisp and clear, endless and white.

Sakumo turns his back on the garden.


	18. KakaGai, kinkmeme fill-sex competitions

The first time, they're both sixteen, and it's most definitely Gai's idea. _A test of stamina!_ he shouts, and Kakashi is vaguely annoyed and somewhat skeptical, but also morbidly curious.

Years later, he tells himself that it was just two boys experimenting, mutual masturbation; it's not that unusual.

A decade later, he still remembers the feeling of Gai's calloused fingers, his too strong grip, his too quick strokes. The way he frowned in deep concentration, as if he was solving a difficult math problem.

The first time, Kakashi loses.

* * *

The second time, Kakashi is twenty-seven while Gai has just turned twenty-eight, and Kakashi makes the suggestion in what was most definitely supposed to be a sarcastic fashion, but Gai takes it as seriously as he takes everything else, and they're both incredibly drunk anyway, and Kakashi's heart is pounding and he thinks, _Why the hell not?_

That time is all about technique, about who's more skilled as a lover, but they're both far too drunk to make it count.

The next morning, Kakashi blames the alcohol and shrugs it off. It definitely helps that Gai sheepishly claims complete memory loss.

A year later, Kakashi still remembers the sweet taste of liquor on Gai's tongue and the weight of Gai's body when he fell asleep on Kakashi. His breath tickling Kakashi's collarbone, his snoring keeping Kakashi awake, but only for a few hazy minutes.

The second time, Gai loses.

* * *

The last time, Kakashi is close to thirty and Gai has stopped counting, and Kakashi doesn't know how it happens, only that it happens, in a tent, on the hard ground, between maps and scattered ninja tools. The unspoken challenge is not to make a sound, not to acknowledge anything, and Kakashi is sure that Gai can read it in his eye as clearly as Kakashi can see it in Gai's.

Seconds later, Kakashi tells himself not to remember Gai's fingers lacing through his, the way Gai's breath hitches, the sensation of the muscles of Gai's lower back tensing and relaxing beneath the palm of Kakashi's hand.

The last time, it's a draw.

The last time, it's _goodbye_.


	19. ObitoGai

A.N.: Having grown tired of staring at naruto_meme's rotten, spam-ridden corpse, I have made myself a tumblr and am currently accepting **anon** drabble prompts over there, mostly for Kakashi/Gai-stuff, since, as you probably all know, I really love the pairing and am generally saddened by the lack of new fic. Anyway, the tumblr's called "mediocrekakagai" (because that's pretty much what you'll find there). It's here: mediocrekakagai/tumblr/com (replace all / with . ). You can leave prompts by clicking on "prompt me" unless I get overrun and close the ask box, which, so far, is unlikely as there are currently about 3 people who have left prompts, and most of them never came back. I'll probably post most of my stuff here as well. So, the following is the kind of stuff you can get over there.

* * *

The whole _let's play spin the bottle-_thing, yep, that had been Obito's idea, all part of his master plan, and it had been going well, too. First, Kakashi made a fuss, as expected of him, being the stuck-up ruiner of everything even potentially fun, but he gave in soon enough, rolling his eyes and sighing, and, yeah, Obito was not exactly a fan of the fact that Rin of all people was the person who got Kakashi to join, but whatever, he was sure things would work out in the long run.

Except that they didn't.

_At all._

Because when it was Obito's turn, and he gave the bottle what he thought was just the right amount of force and twist, it did not, as he had intended, land on Rin but kept sliding a tiny bit further to the right, and ended up pointing at none other than Maito Gai. Which was totally a t_ry again until you get a girl _kinda situation, right? _Wrong_, according to the giggling girls, and even the other smirking boys – _right, we'll see how much you'll like it when it's you_, Obito thought spitefully.

Anyway, the consensus was that they had to kiss, which was totally cruel and unusual punishment. Here they were, trying to celebrate the end of the chuunin exams, and Obito was supposed to kiss the guy who kicked his ass _twice_? No way.

Gai for his part just stared at Obito with those beady little eyes of his that were completely overshadowed by his freaky eyebrows. He didn't really seem to have an opinion on the whole matter, which was pretty weird but maybe not surprising considering Gai's general level of weirdness. Anyway, the sight of him was enough to make Obito want to protest again, perhaps just storm off – except that that would make him look bad in front of Rin, so that was probably a no – but… Well, Rin was smiling at him in a sort of _come on, it's for fun_ – sort of way, and Obito found himself thinking that, once they were married, they'd probably laugh about this whole thing, and it really didn't matter, did it?

And then, all bets were off anyway, because Kakashi, that idiot, looked at Gai, cocked his head, and said in that annoying, mildly bored tone of his, "What are you waiting for, Gai-kun? Are you scared?"

And Gai shouted, "Hah, I'm not scared of anything, rival!" and launched himself at Obito, grabbing him by the shoulders and clamping his lips over Obito's mouth like some sort of oversized suckerfish. And all Obito could think, as he heard his friends burst into laughter in the background, was how _minty _Gai's lips tasted.


	20. KakashiGai, speech

Gai was staring hard at the piece of paper in front of him. He took a deep breath. He a drew a few more characters. _Forgive yourself._

He paused and studied his work.

He groaned and crumpled up the piece of paper, then threw it at the trash bin in the corner of his room, then he groaned again for good measure. Under his elbow, his notepad was getting slimmer and slimmer. He could already feel the hard wooden surface of his table through the few remaining pages.

"Why don't you just give up?" Genma asked. He was lying on the floor of Gai's room, arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling. Listless, lacking energy and initiative like always.

"There is nothing you can say, Gai-kun," Ebisu chimed in, his voice not unkind, but, as usual, carrying a certain nasal lecturing quality that made Gai grit his teeth and bring his pen down on the paper with renewed, _defiant_ vigor.

He had to find the right words; he just _had_ to.

"I _cannot_ give up! I _will not_ give up! I won't abandon my eternal rival!" he shouted.

"For the hundredth time, that isn't actually a thing, Gai. You're not twelve anymore."Gai could practically hear the eye roll in Genma's voice. "Plus, there's a reason you can't buy cards for this occasion; because what is there to say? I'm sorry you had to kill your team mate, that really sucks?"

"Genma!" Ebisu sputtered in outrage, scandalized although they both knew Genma was only using his flippant attitude to mask how shocked he was. "Kakashi-kun has to cope with a lot right now. You shouldn't pester him," he told Gai in his _very_ _earnest _voice.

But Gai didn't listen – he far too rarely did, as Sensei liked to point out – instead he focused on the task at hand, finding the words that would help his rival get better.

* * *

Three hours later, Gai was standing in front of the door to Kakashi's apartment, clutching his speech in his moist fist. It wasn't finished and it wasn't great, even Gai would admit that, but it was the best he could do, and that was what mattered, always giving it your best shot.

He took a deep breath to prepare himself and then he knocked, three short, _energetic _rasps, and waited…. And waited….

"Kakashi?" he called, convinced that his rival was inside, since, being a first rate shinobi, he had done his recon and knew that his rival had not left his apartment (nor opened the blinds) once since the funeral the day before.

No answer. Gai shifted restlessly. What if something had happened? The last time he'd seen Kakashi – at the funeral – he'd looked so… blank somehow, as if he wasn't even there, as if he was fading away. Ever since then, Gai hadn't been able to think about anything but how to help his rival get better, but what if he was too late?

His heart hammering in his chest, Gai proceeded to bang on the door hard enough to dent the wood. "Kakashi!" he hollered, fully aware that he was disturbing the neighbors and not caring one bit. "Open up, rival! It's me!"

"Go away." Kakashi's voice came floating to him through the thin battered wood. It sounded far away, weak and tired, but it was like a drop of water to a parched throat. So much relief that Gai's knees actually grew weak.

"Let me in," he called, unfolding his note with the speech and skimming it once more, wishing he could have come up with something better.

"No. I said go away. Leave me alone."

Gai nodded to himself. Fine. He could kick down the door; that was nothing. He took a step back.

And hesitated.

He skimmed the words on his by now pretty crumpled piece of paper.

They weren't right.

They didn't really say what he wanted to say, and, more importantly, they didn't change anything. They couldn't change anything.

He took a step forward and leaned his forehead against the cool wood of Kakashi's closed door. Tears were burning in his eyes. He'd failed again. But he couldn't give up.

"I'm not going away," he said, convinced that Kakashi was on the other side of the door and could hear every word. "I'm not leaving you alone."

When there was no reply, Gai sat down on the ground. He took one last look at his speech. The sweat from his hands had made the ink of his pen run and his fingers had left smudges. It was barely legible anymore.

"I'm still here!" he called as he began to fold the paper into a crane.


	21. KakashiGai, drunk

Gai was heavy. That wasn't really a groundbreaking new realization on Kakashi's part, but it _was _a fact he had more or less forgotten. After all, usually Gai was the one who ended up carrying _him._ And you wouldn't know how heavy he was, watching him move with that unnatural speed and lightness of his during spars and fights and ridiculous races through the village.

Now, though, he was incredibly heavy, hanging onto Kakashi with his arms wrapped awkwardly around Kakashi's neck and his head resting on Kakashi's shoulder, his sake-breath filling Kakashi's nostrils.

"You owe me for this," Kakashi told the night, the sleeping village and – probably in vain – the more or less unconscious shinobi on his back. He wasn't the kind of person who carried drunks home; he was the kind of person who left them lying on the sticky floor of whatever bar they'd ended up in – but not before sneaking a few ryo out of their wallets to pay for his own drinks. That was the reputation he was risking right now. You definitely didn't want to become known as the guy who picked up the tab and ferried useless drunks home on his back. A soft-hearted fool. Someone like a certain dimwitted taijutsu user.

Kakashi was making an exception – a one time only thing – nothing more, because it had been a special occasion, Lee finally being pronounced ready to go back to training and missions by Tsunade-sama, and, as much as he liked to pretend otherwise, Kakashi wasn't completely heartless. Watching Gai during the last few weeks—

To his surprise, Gai's arms tightened around his neck. "…'kashi," he mumbled sleepily right into Kakashi's ear, his breath hot and moist, sending a strange, not entirely unpleasant shiver down Kakashi's spine.

"…'love you… you're my… important person…"

_Just drunken gibberish._

Kakashi sighed and tried his best to ignore the warmth spreading through his body.

"You love everyone right now," he said and continued marching down the dark street. "Let's hope you don't remember this tomorrow."

As he bravely set one foot in front of the other, however, swaying a little under Gai's weight and beginning to feel the saké as well, Kakashi found that, deep inside, he wasn't hoping all that hard.


	22. kakagai, don't stop (color on the walls)

"I bet I can go higher than you!" the boy in green shouts, but Kakashi doubts it. His dad gives him another push, his hands warm and strong on Kakashi's narrow back, and the trees fall away, replaced by blue blue blue.

* * *

Hearing Gai whistle, seeing his smile, a sliver of flashing teeth, Kakashi grins under his mask, a secret, hidden grin. And he is gone.

Ducking under a low-hanging shop-sign, hopping over a bench, dodging a food stall at the last second. Birds scatter when they reach the end of the village, the beginning of the forest, and burst into the foliage without slowing down.

* * *

The horizon jiggles up and down and Kakashi snorts and holds on tighter, his ankles pressing into Gai's thighs. They're too old to do this, but that is what makes it so fun, he thinks – not that he would ever admit the fun part out loud. Getting a piggyback ride as a silly challenge.

"We'll see how far _you_ can carry _me_ later, Rival!" Gai shouts, far too loudly, _happy._

Unbeknownst to Gai, Kakashi smirks. This point will go to Gai, he's already decided that, but that only makes him enjoy the ride so much more.

* * *

The silver strands in Gai's bowl cut catch the light in new, shimmering ways as he cocks his head like he cocks his hip and grins, grins, grins, pointing at Kakashi.

"Rival!"

And Kakashi rolls his eye and sighs and flips a page in his not quite as dirty as he had hoped-book, because that's the way this goes, always goes, and drawls, "What?" although he knows the answer like he knows Gai.

"I challenge you!" Gai bellows, making heads turn in the street, earning giggles..

And Kakashi smiles under his mask where no one can see because he loves that answer like he loves Gai.


	23. kakagai, modernday walking dead AU

He runs into the nutcase just outside of Kawaguchi. It's one of those _dumb_ _things that just happen_, as Obito used to call them. Kakashi was looting a conbini for supplies and suddenly, there _he_ was. Which was something that shouldn't have happened, shouldn't have been possible even, not with Kakashi, who was an expert at survival. Unlike Obito. Unlike Rin.

But this guy managed to sneak up on him while he was bent over, digging through a box that should have been filled with bags of crispy seaweed crackers, but turned out to contain only bits of styrofoam and bubblewrap.

His attention had been diverted for less than a second, and yet he didn't realize that he wasn't alone anymore until the stranger cleared his throat.

* * *

His name is Gai and he announces it as if it is messianic. He is wearing a bright green addidas sweat suit and orange sneakers, and there's no weapon in sight, which means he's either exceptionally dumb or very dangerous.

Kakashi himself carries his gun, a SIG P230, tucked into the waistband of his cargo pants, and his hand begins creeping towards it as soon as their eyes meet.

"You?" Gai asks and it takes Kakashi a second to realize that he wants to know his name.

"Kakashi."

Gai beams as if he has been offered a treat.

"There's nothing here," he says apologetically. "But I can show you—"

"I don't do team ups." Kakashi draws the gun, cocks the hammer, and aims at Gai's head. He's not going to waste a bullet going for the chest, and he's certainly not going to let some idiot lead him into a trap. "You go first. Now."

"I was trying to help you," Gai whines like some brat, like he's _disappointed_.

Kakashi just narrows eye. His trigger finger twitches. He's only half-bluffing. He won't kill anyone unprovoked, he promised Rin, but his definition of "provoked" is starting to become wider and wider.

But then Gai does him a favor by shrugging, turning around on the spot and leaving through the front door, through which, and Kakashi is very sure of that, Gai certainly didn't enter before.

From outside, he hears groans and shuffling, but no sound of footsteps slapping against the pavement in panicked flight, no screams.

He's not sure how he feels about that.

* * *

A day later, Kakashi _is _sure that Gai is watching him. He's good, too. Almost on Kakashi's level, and that makes him wonder if maybe Gai was in the Self Defense Force like him. He doesn't remember the face, but then, he doesn't remember much these days.

Or maybe Gai used to be a cop. Maybe—

And why does he care?

He is convinced that Gai is on his own like him. If it comes down to it, Kakashi is fairly certain; he will be able to take him.

If not, well, so be it.

* * *

Making it out of Tokyo, that had been a miracle almost. Kawaguchi should have been a walk in the park compared to that, but if Kakashi has learned one thing in the last three weeks – how has it only been three weeks? – it's that _should have been_ carries no meaning anymore.

* * *

He hasn't slept in days, can't afford to, and before, when he did, he dreamt of Obito and Rin and worms crawling over living dead skin.

* * *

The house is as secure as it's going to get, Kakashi decides. On some level, he knows that he has stopped caring.

Why is even he still moving? Where is he supposed to go?

_Hokkaido_, Obito and Rin whisper from the darkest corner of the room, where a spider is building its web. _We'll go north, get a boat somewhere and get to Hokkaido, and if it's not safe there, then we'll just look somewhere else. But first Hokkaido._

He sinks down in _his_ corner, defeated. Daylight streams in through a boarded up window, striping the dusty floor. His surgical mask has long since stopped working against the smell of decay and it never helped against the virus in the first place. Still he keeps it on. Out of habit.

_I can't make it,_ Obito says, smiling as sweat runs down his brow and blood oozes from the hole in his head, _but you two will. Protect Rin, Kakashi, promise me._

_It's over for me, Kakashi, please. Just let me go before I end up like them. Please… _Rin whispers. She smiles at him. Why do they always smile? His hand is shaking too much to hold the gun steady. She reaches for it, covers his hand with hers. It's too warm, too moist but surprisingly strong. _I won't make it out of Tokyo, but you will, Kakashi. Promise me, okay?_

_She pulled the trigger herself; I couldn't even do that for her, _Kakashi thinks and falls asleep, seeing the shiny red streamlet of blood run past the corner of Rin's mouth, dripping down into her hair.

* * *

A _crunch_ and _thump_ make him jerk upright, not awake yet, just _there _enough to recoil from the half decayed face that stares at him, eyeless, and Kakashi's stomach rolls, even as he kicks on instinct, heavy boot aiming for that horrible head. He misses.

But it makes no difference, because the creature is already falling, torso tilting sharply to the right, the rest follows, crashing to the floor in a jumble of oddly twisted limbs.

Behind it, Gai appears, goo dripping from his fist, grinning.

"You forgot to check the basement, Kakashi!" he announces. Kakashi is instantly dismayed by his overly familiar language, and then surprised at his own ability to still care about the way he is addressed.

Undeterred, Gai holds up a bag of something in his clean hand.

"I brought those seaweed crackers you were looking for the other day!"

Kakashi is too stunned to react.

At his feet, the corpse's fingers twitch.

"Huh?" Gai says like he's just come back from the store only to realize that he's forgotten something, and brings his foot down hard on its skull.


	24. kakagai, spending too much time together

"Oi, Kakashi! Where's Gai?"

Slightly peeved, Kakashi raised his eye from his engrossing piece of porny literature to look at Genma, who had swiftly and, or so Kakashi suspected, _strategically _placed himself in his light.

_Yo, have you seen Gai?_

_Is Gai around?_

_Do you know where Gai-kun is?_

This kind of thing was starting to happen with alarming frequency. It was bothersome to be constantly interrupted by people looking for someone else, and Kakashi really didn't see the point of it.

"How should I know?" he asked, playing up his cluelessness for effect. "How come people keep asking me that, anyway?"

Seemingly surprised by this reaction, Genma cocked his head, senbon jerking as he bit down on it.

"You two are always together, duh."

Behind his mask, Kakashi's jaw set. There was absolutely no truth to that accusation! "We're not—" he began, only to stop mid-sentence. Before his mind's eye a recap of the previous week was starting to play.

**_Sunday _**_– taking his dogs to the park where Gai ambushed him and ended up playing Frisbee with them_

**_Monday _**_– Gai coming over for a challenge, playing cards._

**_Tuesday_**_ – mission briefing with Gai on the squad_

**_Wednesday_**_ – mission patrolling the Forest of Wind with Gai_

**_Thursday _**_– Ramen at Ichiraku's with Gai_

**_Friday _**_– meeting at the Hokage Tower… to be fair, everyone else had been there too… even at the party where Gai dragged him afterwards… so it didn't really count, did it?_

**_Saturday _**_– sparring with Gai on training field two_

**_Sunday _**_– carrying out the Third's order to repair damage done to training field two- Kakashi challenging Gai to do it by himself while Kakashi timed him, then to damage it again so Kakashi could do the repairs timed. Needless to say, Kakashi defaulted after step one was complete._

**_Today _**_– well__**, **__damn._

For some strange reason, Kakashi felt himself blushing. "It's not like I want to—" His face grew even hotter. What the hell? "It's just easier to hang out with him than to try to avoid him," he said. That was it. He'd tried shaking off Gai for years. It simply never worked, so this was just his new tactic.

Genma shrugged, thankfully completely oblivious to Kakashi's sudden inexplicable discomfort. "You… didn't really need to explain that. It's not like one of you is a girl – because if that were the case, people would have started talking a _long_ time ago! But, you know, with two guys, you're bros, we get it."

Kakashi was starting to feel a little nauseous. Maybe he was just hungry. Or maybe it was the smell coming from the barbeque place across the street.

"Like me and Raidou," Genma continued. "People ask me where he is all the time. It's getting kinda annoying, to be honest. Sooo, anyway, _do_ you know where Gai is?"

"No, sorry, can't help you," Kakashi replied hastily, holding up his book again to signal the end of this conversation.

"Ah, well, worth a try, right? If you run into him, just tell him I'm looking for him, okay?"

"Sure," Kakashi said, watched Genma run off towards the training grounds, and breathed a sigh of relief when he vanished in the crowd.

As if on cue, the colorful curtain flaps over Yakiniku's entrance stirred and Gai stepped out onto the street, carrying their lunches in a plastic bag. Seeing him, Kakashi's stomach did an almost painful little flip.

_Just hungry,_ he thought.


	25. kakagai, grief (spoiler!)

On his way back from the memorial, he found Gai. It was before dawn, before the sky turned red like freshly spilled blood, and they'd have to live another day with their memories locked up in their hearts.

It was winter. The world was white and looked pure, all its secrets buried under an impeccable white cover.

It was in the small hours when no one was awake, no one but assassins and new parents. When the whole country seemed to sleep like the dead, Kakashi decided to take a shortcut across training ground one, where, three life times ago, Team Yellow Flash was born.

He was at the edge of the field – the wide, sheer endless field, Konoha's biggest training ground, his hands in his pockets and his thoughts on his heart and the ghosts that lived in there.

And he saw someone out in the field, at its centre, a black silhouette outlined against the night sky and the white snow.

Kakashi stopped and watched.

What he saw was a man, tall and broad shouldered and painfully familiar, going through his kata. Kakashi recognized the style immediately; it was Konoha's one and only Gentle Fist, but the style and the user didn't seem to fit together.

Kakashi approached slowly, carefully, as if the man was a wild animal that might get spooked if he was alerted to Kakashi's presence.

The snow creaked under his feet, and the man, _Gai_, froze.

But only for a heartbeat.

Then he resumed his slow, deliberate training.

Kakashi stopped a few feet from him, watching the mesmerizing movements of his friend's body, watching the bright white snow settle in his friend's black hair.

Gai's stance was low, knees bent; he was leading with his left arm and leg.

Kakashi knew the style wasn't Gai's; he was not a member of the Hyuuga clan; he couldn't use the Juuken the way it was supposed to be used, in combination with perfectly timed and calibrated chakra pulses, but he could perform the moves gracefully with more speed and precision than even the likes of Hyuuga Hiashi.

Gai's face was completely relaxed, his eyes closed. Despite the icy temperatures, sweat gleamed on his skin.

In the pale moonlight, Kakashi watched Gai perform a sequence of palm strikes. He watched the snowflakes melt on Gai's cheek, in the corner of his eye, like tears.

It felt like they were the last people in the whole world. The white field seemed to stretch into eternity; no living thing anywhere else, no warmth left in this pure, cold world except for heat of their two bodies.

As the cold crept in, slowing seeping through the fabric of his clothes, slowly crawling into his bones, Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets, bracing himself for his vigil, because there were no footprints leading to Gai.

Because it looked like Gai had dropped down onto the immaculate snow from the sky, which meant that his footprints had already been covered by new snow, which meant that Gai had been here for hours.

Remembering.

When you failed to protect someone, you carried that wound for the rest of your life. That was the way it was for Kakashi at least, and there were days when it felt like his heart was so covered in scars, it hurt with every beat.

Maybe it wasn't that different for Gai, only he remembered with his body. He couldn't stand in front of the memorial counting his regrets, doing penance for hours. That wasn't who he was.

But he lived and breathed taijutsu, and while he had a bad memory when it came to faces, while, soon enough, to many, Neji would only be a faint memory, a pale boy in a fading picture, just another branch member of the Hyuuga clan, Gai would never forget _him_. His body would forever remember the way Neji used to fight, the intricate details of every little one of his movements, the way Neji's personality and his body had influenced his fighting style, had given it personality, _his _personality.

Someone like Kakashi, a Sharingan user, could have copied Neji's style in a heartbeat, literally within the blink of an eye. Gai, however, had learnt it over years, he'd watched it develop, fought it, _shaped _it himself.

Kakashi knew he was intruding; he had no place here in this intimate moment, but Gai hadn't stopped, and it seemed like he wanted Kakashi to be a part of this, wanted to share.

They differed in this, too. Kakashi stood at the memorial alone, always alone, but if Gai wanted him here, then he wouldn't leave.

He would bear the cold and keep watch for Gai's sake and for Neji's.


	26. kakagai, ninken trouble

It's one of those small things that escalate far too quickly.

Gai didn't use to summon Ningame all that often, but he's trying his hardest to make it up to his beloved tortoise these days, and Kakashi has always loved to have his dogs around. So the apartment ends up being far more crowded than they thought it would be.

Not that Gai minds. Moving in together had been his idea, after all, and it's an idea he's still very proud of. Except…

Except that one day he hears a rather unfamiliarly high-pitched scream coming from the kitchen, where he'd left Ningame to enjoy some salad he got fresh from the market.

When Gai gets to the source of the commotion, what he sees is this:

Ningame on the ground, completely withdrawn into his shell, only his little tail sticking out. Sticking out and being chewed on by Bull, who glances up at Gai with his bloodshot eyes in a way that is fifty percent happy and fifty percent ashamed. As if he's trying to say, _I'm sorry, I know this is wrong, but the taste is so great, I just can't stop!_

"Help me!" Ningame's whimper comes floating out from the depths of his shell, and Gai shouts, "No, Bull!" and starts pulling on the dog's collar, which does nothing to deter Bull but triggers a howl of pain from Ningame.

"Sorry!" Gai let's go of Bull as if scorched and runs to the fridge where Kakashi keeps extra special treats for his ninken. He gets a steak, something that was never even meant for the dogs but for their own dinner, and waves it in front of Bull's snout.

The dog's pupils track his movements left, right, left, right, like he's being hypnotized. But he does not let go.

Something like a sob comes out of the shell. At this point, Gai starts to consider using actual force. He could pry Bull's jaw open with his hands or pinch the dog's ears or…

No, he can't hurt Bull.

Frustrated beyond caring, Gai drops the steak and pulls at his own hair.

"Can't you just teleport away?!" he wails.

"What do you _think_?! His teeth are _in_ my tail!" Ningame hisses back, "you should bite_ his_ tail!"

"He doesn't have one!" Gai exclaims. Bull's little stumpy tail is doing its best to wag.

Pakkun and Bisuke choose this moment to wander into the kitchen; Gai stares at them imploringly.

"Don't look at us, pal," Pakkun says, unperturbed, "we're here for the steak."

"Get Kakashi! _Please_!"

* * *

"He's not going to do that again. I gave him a good scolding." Kakashi shoots Gai a suspicious look. "You're pouting, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not." Gai finishes wrapping the bandage around Ningame's tail and ties it off with a little bow. He's not pouting, but his tortoise sure is. Ningame hasn't said a word since Bull finally let go of him.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi says.

"I know, but we have to make it up to _him _somehow, Rival."

* * *

_The things I do for love,_ Kakashi thinks as he climbs into bed.

Immediately the enormous mountain next to him shifts to the right, away from him, taking Kakashi's blanket with him.

"His feet are cold!" it complains and sniffs indignantly. No doubt going to hog warmth off Gai, which had been Kakashi's plan.

"_Your feet_ have claws on them," Kakashi shoots back, making a desperate grab for his blanket. "And aren't you cold-blooded anyway?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ningame asks provocatively, ready for a fight, and somewhere behind the giant tortoise in the middle of the bed Kakashi hears Gai sigh.

_It's going to be a long month._


	27. kakagai, party

For a bunch of _shinobi_, they really suck at surprise parties. That's what Kakashi thinks, at least, but then, this is the eleventh year in a row, and at that point it would have been hard for _anyone _to still be surprising. It would have been impossible to top the very first time anyway, when Kakashi had been so thoroughly and genuinely surprised that he almost sliced off Ebisu's ear with a shuriken.

Why Gai insists on doing this for him, Kakashi will probably never understand. He has long since filed it under _because Gai is Gai_ and left it at that, as he has done and continues to do with so many of his friend's little and not so little quirks.

This year, like every year, the Hatake Kakashi surprise birthday party starts off at Gai's tiny apartment. Gai leads him there with a very lame excuse – _I spilled tea on our last mission report, Rival, so I had to write a new one. It needs your signature again… OH NO, I seem to have forgotten the report at my apartment! Curses! Could you just go there with me?_ – after Kakashi has said _no, sorry, I can't _and _Why don't you go and get it; I'll wait here _just to see Gai sweat and squirm and sputter, he finally gives in and comes along.

Every year, Gai's apartment is crowded and decorated with garish banners in clashing colors. Kakashi gets his "surprise" and receives congratulations, handshakes and hugs (one from Gai at the very least), his annual congratulatory ass-grope, as she likes to call it, from Anko, and, most importantly, his presents. Those he actually looks forward to; everything else not so much.

After that, Kakashi withdraws into a corner with his piece of cake and watches the others. Somehow, they always seem to have a blast at his birthday parties. They chat and laugh, and once the sticky-sweet cake is gone and it's dark outside, Gai drags them all, including Kakashi, to a bar, where they seem to have even more of a blast.

Once there, Kakashi finds another corner and a drink to sip on, and continues watching.

Like every year, he sits there, in the dimly lit bar, looking at the people around him, and finds himself wondering, _Are those really my friends?_

Sure, he would die for them in a heartbeat, no questions asked, and he knows they would do the same for him, but even that—

It feels hollow somehow, compared to how easily Gai moves between them and talks to them and convinces _Ibiki _of all people to go up onto the stage and sing karaoke. Gai likes them and they like Gai, but Kakashi…

Kakashi can't remember the last time he talked to Shizune about anything that wasn't health or mission related, he can't remember the last time he went out to get a drink with Genma and Raidou or the last time he sparred with anyone other than Gai.

He spends a lot of time with Gai, but that's because Gai simply _won't_ leave him alone.

Kakashi sighs. Across the room, Gai is talking to Shizune and Aoba. They're laughing about something, Shizune is pressing her hand over her mouth, stifling giggles.

Someone slaps a hand on his shoulder and Kakashi whips around on his barstool.

"You're such a maudlin drunk," Anko tells him earnestly, her breath like the fumes straight from a brewery. "Cheer up, birthday boy!"

He sighs again, and Anko grimaces in disgust. Then she sloppily pats his head as if he is some kind of barely lovable stray dog.

"Your hair feels weird," she declares before wandering away, leaving Kakashi to his depressing musings.

* * *

He must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he sees when he opens his eye is Tenzou, clutching a microphone, stumbling across the stage and doing some of the worst singing Kakashi has ever heard. The whole bar sighs in relief when he finally ventures too close to the edge and falls off.

To Kakashi's mild shock, Gai is next up.

He winks at someone in the by now fairly thinned out crowd and does that sparkly grin thing he does that always gives Kakashi a small headache when he's drunk, and then the music starts and it's surprisingly slow and soft.

When Gai starts singing, Kakashi can't help being impressed. Gai has a good, strong voice, Kakashi has always known that, but usually Gai uses it to belt out terrible, upbeat pop songs – occasionally, when he's very drunk, songs by girl groups which he sings in a shrill, high-pitched falsetto.

This time, however, it's different.

Gai is singing a sad song, a slow song, whose lyrics seem to reverberate through Kakashi.

_The truth is, even I've noticed  
Most of your indecision and excuses_

It's ridiculous, the song's not about them, not by a long shot. It's about some couple and cheating or something, frankly, at this point, Kakashi is probably too drunk to get it, but still.

He has goose bumps although it's warm inside the bar, too warm even, and he can't shake that strange feeling. His head hurts almost as much as his heart.

So, with nothing else to do and one more year on his back, he decides to listen and simply keep drinking until he'll fall off is chair and Gai will have to carry him home.

* * *

A.N.: The song that I had in mind for Gai is Suga Shikao's Tsuki to Naifu (which I love). Lyrics are from that song, which belongs to its creator and not me.


	28. kakagai, student discussion

They fight all the time; that's something everyone in the village knows. Kakashi and Gai disagree and argue and compete. Always have, always will. But those fights, the "normal" ones, the ones they have with clock-ticking regularity, are nothing like this one.

This one is starting to grate on Kakashi. Because it's not _I can't stand your hip and modern attitude any longer, Rival!_ and it's not _Hah, you think I can't do that? I will prove you wrong!_, no, this time, it's an actual, serious fight. About something that matters.

* * *

It's not that Gai is incapable of understanding Kakashi's point of view, it's just that _Kakashi _can't see the full picture. He only sees one side of it, the _genius_-side; he's never been on the other side; he's never been called a loser and a drop-out and he's never had to prove anything to anyone.

So maybe he isn't wrong about Gai being more invested in Lee's training than in Neji's and Tenten's, but he doesn't see _why_.

* * *

_Please,_ Kakashi thinks, _like it isn't completely obvious._ Sure he gets it. Lee is more like Gai than Neji and Tenten. Gai looks at Lee and sees himself, and that's all there is to it.

Kakashi used to be in the exact same place.

It didn't end well.

* * *

"Lee isn't Sasuke," Gai says bluntly.

"I never said he was. But he's not your only student. Which was my point." Kakashi grabs the back of one of Gai's rickety kitchen chairs and leans over it. He's tired; it's been a long day. One he didn't think would end like that, with him standing in Gai's kitchen, having an argument.

Kakashi wishes there was a way to un-know information, to un-learn it, or maybe just to go back in time to start over.

"I know that!" Gai is usually quick to fall into his ranting and flailing habit, to jump up and shout, but this time he remains seated, arms folded, cooler than Kakashi is used to seeing him. "I care about Neji and Tenten; I train with them. I put just as much youthful passion into—"

"No, you don't," Kakashi interrupts. He's had enough of this, and he's pissed. It's not just the fact that he had to hear about this, it's also that he didn't get it from Gai himself. No, it had been Ebisu. "I heard about your little promise to Lee," he says and his voice is terse and brittle like dried-out bones, ancient.

Gai's face doesn't change, not even a raised monster-eyebrow, not even a twitch, but then, if he'd actually tried to keep this from Kakashi, _Ebisu _surely wouldn't have known.

"That's in the past, rival. It doesn't matter anymore." He leans back in his creaky chair, and the pupils of his eyes slither away to avoid Kakashi's gaze. He _is _ashamed then. _Good._

Kakashi, however, isn't done. He feels like he'll never be done with _this _issue because his heart tells him that it's a betrayal, it's abandonment, and it's _not fair._ Kakashi never asked for a promise, but Gai made one regardless.

"Doesn't it?" he asks and his voice is soaked with bitterness and accusation that the fabric of his mask can't cover up. "What if something happened to him now? He got through this one, but he can still get hurt or die, you know that."

"I know that."

"So?" And Kakashi regrets that question the very moment it leaves his mouth because Gai's jaw is set, his muscles turn to cement and he does look Kakashi in the eye now, which makes Kakashi want to turn away.

"He _is _my Ninja Way. This is what I've chosen."

It stings, and that makes Kakashi angry, more at himself than at Gai, though. He's been an idiot, should have kept his distance. What was he thinking?

Kakashi hangs his head, looking at the tiled floor for a second. His palms are beginning to hurt slightly; he's stiff and tense and his body feels heavier than usual for some reason.

"…I was afraid you'd say something like that," he says eventually.

Gai just sits there for a little bit, unusually quiet, in the silent kitchen, where nothing can be heard but their breathing and the constant dripping of Gai's old faucet.

"You're going to get Sasuke back," Gai says after a while, eight drips, and Kakashi can't tell if he needed that interval to muster the conviction he put into that sentence or to fake it. It's a change of topic anyway, a distraction maybe, and not a very elegant one.

So he almost laughs at it, but what comes out is only a single dry snort. "It's not up to me anymore."

"You can't say that!" Gai's outrage is real now, Kakashi is sure.

He shrugs, straightens. He's going to walk out of the apartment in a moment. "I just did."

"Kakashi—"

"Look at us, we've grown old. Arguing about the kids like that…"

This time, Gai does jump up and bangs on the table in protest. "I'm not old!" he shouts. "I'm still in the spring time of life!"

"Well, you're certainly older than me," Kakashi drawls for routine's sake. Then he sighs, a true old man's reaction. "So this is where we stand, huh?"

* * *

Kakashi leaves on that note, with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Nothing's changed, Rival." That was the last thing Gai said to him, and Kakashi carries those words out the door and onto the empty street and wonders.

If he asked them, the people of the village would probably say the same thing. _Kakashi and Gai have been like this for decades! Nothing will ever change with those two!_

But if nothing's changed, why does he feel like this now?


	29. IrukaKakashiGai, emotional bond

It's not like Iruka is enjoying this; it's not like he's having the time of his life and all his dreams have come true – quite the opposite, really. But from the way Kakashi-san looks at him and Kakashi-san's annoyance lies in the pit of his stomach like something cold, indigestible and acidic, Iruka can tell that the jounin does not believe that.

No, Kakashi-san seems to feel that somehow Iruka is to blame for all this, and thanks to their shiny new emotional bond, Iruka gets the message loud and clear.

They're both tense, sitting in Tsunade-sama's office, going over the details of their last fateful mission together again and again, describing their enemy's jutsu over and over, and every time Iruka hesitates to rethink his answers, he feels the needle prick of Kakashi-san's irritation. It makes him angry, which in turn makes Kakashi-san angry and, feeding on itself, their shared anger rises inside of them until Iruka thinks he must be visibly pulsing with it by now.

Looking at Kakashi-san, you wouldn't be able to tell, though. He's sitting in his chair, arms folded across his chest, reclining against the backrest, his pose offensively slouchy– were he one of Iruka's students, Iruka would have told him to sit up straight. As it is, Iruka just grits his teeth to contain the outburst that is building within him.

* * *

Later, when they figure out that they can't be more than a few meters away from each other, Iruka is almost beyond caring. He is the one who keeps trying to leave, taking one step after the other, bravely, _stubbornly_, until the pounding in his temples is strong enough to bring him to knees.

Kakashi-san helps him up then, and for the first time Iruka feels, under all the exasperation, a tiny smattering of concern like a whiff of sweetness in the air.

* * *

The next day, Tsunade-sama tells them that there is nothing to do but wait, which is exactly what they have been doing and now, with no other choice, continue to do. In Iruka's apartment where Kakashi-san lounges on the couch and shamelessly raids Iruka's fridge whenever he feels like it. They do nothing except annoy each other with their existence. Iruka finds that he can't grade papers with Kakashi-san's seemingly ever present boredom filling his head like so many balls of cotton, and Kakashi-san gets irritated every time Iruka tries to get anything done that involves moving around the apartment.

In the end, out of sheer desperation, Iruka suggests going to the training fields for a spar. He knows he hasn't got much of a chance against a jounin like Kakashi-san, but he has reached a point where he prefers getting beat up to sitting around, twiddling his thumbs and feeling uncomfortable, _double-_uncomfortable.

* * *

There is, however, someone else on training ground one, someone loud and _green_, and when Kakashi-san sees that person, there is a little jolt of _something. _Iruka feels it, distinct like a raindrop hitting the back of his neck.

"We should probably—" Kakashi-san starts to say, with a hint of unease, not in his voice but definitely in _him_.

_Strange, _Iruka thinks and then, suddenly, Gai-san is right in front of them.

* * *

Kakashi-san ends up sparring with Gai-san instead, for which Iruka is endlessly grateful. He gets to lie in the grass, while Kakashi-san keeps Gai-san busy without straying too far away from Iruka.

It's confusing to Iruka that Kakashi-san hasn't told Gai-san about their predicament, that it wasn't the first thing he said. True, technically the information is classified, but Gai-san is Kakashi-san's friend. Before, Iruka wasn't all that sure about their relationship – he's often seen Kakashi-san ignore and dismiss Gai-san – now, though…

He can feel Kakashi-san's elation. It courses through his body, wildly, like a heap of dead, dried-out leaves being picked up by a gust of wind. It's Gai-san who does that Kakashi-san, Iruka has no doubt about that, and this realization surprises him as much as it fills him with unexpected warmth.

For the first time since the incident, Iruka can relax.

* * *

It doesn't last. After the sparring session, when Iruka and Kakashi-san go ʻhomeʼ - and Iruka has a hard time applying that term to any place that he has to share with Kakashi-san – Kakashi-san's resentment is almost palpable. It feels as if, with every step, Iruka runs into a solid wall of grim determination. Kakashi-san is trying to block him out, but they already know that this doesn't work. It only gives Iruka a headache. He can still feel Kakashi-san's nervous suspicion, and that splinter of embarrassment, buried among everything else.

_I won't tell him,_ Iruka wants to say, _I would never._

He wonders if Kakashi-san can pick up on his sympathy, on the guilt that gnaws on him. Probably.

Iruka knows he's blushing, remembering that warmth and happiness flooding him. He feels like a thief, an intruder, but he can't help it. Just like he can't help thinking about Gai-san's smile.

_Don't_, Iruka tells himself firmly. _Stop. Those were only Kakashi-san's feelings…_

Iruka closes his eyes for a second. _Take a breath._

There's a throbbing in his temples, faint but growing stronger as if a herd of wild horses is heading his way. Iruka's eyes snap open. He has to hurry. He's fallen behind.

Kakashi-san strides away, far ahead of him, hands in his pockets, back unusually straight, rigid with concentration, with the effort to keep his emotions bottled up.

There's a shard of mortification lodged inside Iruka's chest now, and he cannot tell which one of them it belongs to.

Maybe, at this point, it doesn't even matter anymore.


	30. kakagai, perverted things

This is truly something only Gai would do. Keeping a picture of himself and his students, taken right after their successful completion of a C-rank mission, all of them still wearing the disguises they had been forced to use to sneak into the bandit hideout.

Had the disguise been anything else it might not have been something only Gai would do, Kakashi has to admit that, but the fact that the picture shows all members of Team Gai dressed as _concubines _firmly pushes the event into _no one but Gai _-territory.

He's pretty sure that the kids didn't appreciate it, judging from the look on Neji's face alone, it seems like he would have appreciated _being stabbed_ more than the flash of the camera. The boy looks good, though, not even a little bit like a boy dressed as a girl but exactly like a haughty, moody teenaged beauty with flawless skin.

Lee doesn't fare as well as Neji, but he's still too young to be completely obvious and his wig and unusually big, bright eyes and long lashes do a lot for him. His smile is a little shaky, however. Kakashi can just imagine his internal conflict. He's almost physically incapable of doubting his sensei, but the faint blush on his cheeks betrays his embarrassment. At least Kakashi hopes it's embarrassment…

As for Tenten, her smile is the smile of someone who has endured a lot worse. She looks cute in her pink kimono and if the picture had only shown her and her two team mates, most people probably wouldn't have noticed anything off about it.

But there is Gai, standing between Lee and Tenten, grinning his toothiest grin and looking very much like a man in drag. It's his jaw, Kakashi thinks. Although that certainly isn't the only thing that gives him away. There is simply nothing about him that looks feminine and it's as if his colorful kimono, his make-up, complete with glossy red lipstick, and the hair-piece pinned up into a complex hairstyle only emphasize that fact.

He looks ridiculous. He looks awful. Like a joke.

And Kakashi has to wonder if those bandits were blind or something because how could you look at that and think it was a woman? Or maybe they were just perverts.

That might be it.

Still undecided, Kakashi puts the photo back into the open drawer of Gai's dresser. It's just a silly memento; there's no need—

But his gaze is drawn to Gai. He can't help it. Once again he finds himself staring at the kimono, imagining those layers and layers of silk, imagining what it would feel like to slide his hands under them. His palms on warm skin, the backs of his hands being tickled by cool silk.

He thinks about Gai's legs, Gai's muscular, _hairy_ man-legs hidden beneath that fabric and very nearly shudders – not with disgust but some strange— no doubt twisted— _longing_.

The thought of Gai's body, that finely tuned weapon, wrapped into lavishly embroidered cloth—

Kakashi feels a groan building somewhere in the back of his throat. Gai grins at him from the photo, all pride and joy. His lipstick is smudged at the corner of his mouth, Kakashi notices, and immediately fantasizes about smudging it more.

He bites his lip. No.

Hastily, Kakashi snatches the photo, slips it into his pocket without another look at it and slams the drawer shut. He'll go the way he came, sneaking through the bedroom window as if he doesn't have a key to Gai's front door.

It's the right thing to do, he tells himself. He'll burn the damn picture for Neji, Tenten and Lee's sakes.

Sometimes Gai is just too embarrassing.

(Two weeks later, Kakashi still hasn't gotten around to destroying it – but he's going to, at some point. Definitely.)


	31. kakagai, feel the earth move (spoiler!)

Naruto roars and, together with his father, races ahead to launch his attack. For one split second, the whole world lights up, Kakashi can see it, even through the lids of his closed eyes, and then the sun sinks behind the horizon and it's over.

Just like that.

* * *

There are meaningful glances and meaningful words, apologies and promises, there's disintegration, and conflation, there are disagreements and then there is, at last, peace.

* * *

Kakashi isn't really part of anything that's happening around him, and he is fine with that. He wants to not have to watch them clear away the bodies. More than anything, he wants to go home.

* * *

He can't. Home is miles and miles away, and the General is needed for the peace talks, which, at this point should be a mere formality, but you can never be sure about that sort of thing.

* * *

Sakura is healing his wounds when he sees Gai and his team. Gai is carrying a bundle in his arms, a body wrapped in white linen. Neji.

This is where the grieving starts.

This is where they go their separate ways.

* * *

It takes him more than two weeks to get back to Konoha with Naruto, the rest of Team 7, Tsunade, Shizune and Chouza-san.

The night of their arrival, there's a festival with fireworks to celebrate the newly established peace.

Kakashi leaves the others to the festivities and wanders off.

* * *

He finds Gai in his apartment, standing by the window in his dark bedroom, his back to Kakashi.

The room lights up, green, blue, red, yellow, but Kakashi only finds himself standing in Gai's long shadow and Gai, Gai is wearing black.

Kakashi hesitates.

Were there fireworks after the Third War? He realizes that he can't even remember anymore. It was another life; something that happened to someone else entirely.

Does it matter? Kakashi walks up to the window and looks out onto the street. People are laughing and dancing, some are crying, but Kakashi's eye finds those other ones, the few faces in the crowd that are completely blank.

Next to him, Gai doesn't move.

_I'm back,_ Kakashi could say.

Or _I couldn't have done it without you_.

Or _I guess, we're still alive, huh?_

He doesn't say anything.

Instead, Kakashi reaches out and takes Gai's hand.

Outside, another firework explodes into an orange flower, flooding the room with light and something close to warmth for one fleeting moment.


	32. Sannin, fanmail

Orochimaru stared at the small envelope lying conspicuously in the snow right in front of the entrance to his newest hideout, deep within the Land of Iron. The first time this kind of thing had happened, he'd suspected an exploding tag and had spent five minutes going through the complicated combination of jutsu to disarm the trap without destroying the envelope so he could examine it for clues.

_A complete waste of time._

He knew better now; he knew exactly what this was and who had left it on his doorstep.

_Ridiculous,_ he thought, even as his lip curled into something approximating a smile. He turned it into a sneer at the last second, and bent to pick up the offending item. He would dispose of it and move on. Unlike other people, he had a purpose in life. An ambition that went far beyond the pathetic, base little dreams of the pitiful fools he had so gladly left behind.

* * *

_Tsunade sat in the grass, reclining against one of the wooden training posts and frowned at the loose pages in her hands. Next to her, Jiraiya stood, his face trained into a carefully neutral expression, but Orochimaru had known him long enough – regrettably – to be able to see the nervousness hidden behind the paper-thin façade. He suppressed a bored sigh, thinking about the many places he should be, the many things he could be doing instead of wasting his time with this. Still, he remained standing where he was, just a few feet away, not quite with them, but not far enough away. For now._

_"Her milky thighs trembled like thick tree branches in a storm," Tsunade read, voice raised dramatically for his benefit. "Pearls of sweat beaded on her skin, making her look as fresh and untouched as a spring morning. The gentle slopes of her bosom quivered —" She paused, skimming the rest of the page silently. "Tremble, quiver, shiver… Is she supposed to be made out of jelly? Have you ever even seen a real woman, Jiraiya?"_

_Orochimaru smirked despite himself. Even from the distance he could tell that Jiraiya was blushing, and as always when he was cornered, Jiraiya sought refuge in brainless bluster. _

_"Hah, I've seen more than you think! This might surprise you, but other women actually have body fat. They're not all sinewy, muscled, flat-chested tomboys like certain— Argh!"_

_His words were cut off by Tsunade's hand closing around his throat. She'd risen in one quick, fluid motion, dropping the pages into the grass, and now she was holding Jiraiya effortlessly, her strong fingers digging into his jugular._

_"Certain what?!" she hissed. _

_They all knew the answer to this question._

_"Ugh!" Jiraiya's bulging eyes were seeking Orochimaru. "A little help here!" he gasped. _

_A shrug would have been more effort than this was worth. "This is beneath me," Orochimaru said, but somehow he was not leaving. _

_"Hey! You liked it! I know you did!"Jiraiya pointed at him accusingly. "Even you can't be that dead inside!"_

_"No one likes your creepy teenage fantasies, Jiraiya!" Tsunade let go of her squirming victim and turned away, brushing a few strands of blond hair out of her face, a gesture that signaled she was done with the topic. _

_Jiraiya, however, clearly wasn't._

_"Oh please, men have been waiting for this kind of sensual romance novel for years!" he declared, unwisely, in Orochimaru's opinion, but then Jiraiya was nothing but unwise. "Who wouldn't rather spend their time with a sweet fictional beauty like Bunko-chan than—"_

_"Than what?!" She was at his throat again, within the space of those two words, ready to strangle the last breath out of him._

_"Argh… harsh reality…" Jiraiya gasped._

_"Tch, you'd have to be a fool to waste even a single ryo on this juvenile drivel." Orochimaru's throwaway comment was enough to dispel Tsunade's fury. Unceremoniously, she dropped Jiraiya into the grass, glaring down at him. _

_"Yeah, I'd bet a million that you won't even find a publisher for this sexist crap."_

* * *

He'd opened the letter on autopilot as the memory replayed in his mind, and now he found himself skimming its contents. It was just as he'd thought.

_Sensei,_

_Your words have opened my eyes. Before I read them, I walked around like a puppet jerking along on its strings. I never really saw what pleasures life could hold, what love could be! I wish there was a way for me to repay you for all you've done! I wish I could give you even just a fraction of what you've given me! The romance, the mystery! Every time I pick up one of your novels, I end up being completely drawn into the world you've created! I can't put it down until I've finished it, and then I'm always sad that it couldn't be longer, that it had to end and couldn't go on forever. _

_Please, whatever you do, please never stop writing!_

_Sincerely,_

_Your devoted fan_

Fanmail. No doubt written by some imbecilic teenaged boy.

Anyway, Jiraiya had found him again. He always did eventually. At this point, it was no more than a minor irritation. They hadn't fought in years – though they both knew their fight would come. The last one, at some point, but not now, not yet.

This was just a reminder.

And maybe somewhere, miles and miles away, a broke and hung-over Tsunade was holding a letter like this one, remembering, too.

A lost bet.

Simpler times.

He dropped the letter into the snow and watched the ink bleed blue into white, certain that soon it would be buried under fresh layers of cold, innocent snow.


	33. LeeGai, growing up

Change is part of growing up, Lee knows that. It was one of the wonderful lessons Gai-sensei taught him. Still, he can't help being confused by the changes in himself, by the way his body reacts to Gai-sensei these days. It's not shameful, Gai-sensei taught him that, too. Sexual attraction and desire are natural; love is the beautiful force that makes life worth living.

_Follow your heart, don't hide your feelings!_, another piece of wisdom Gai-sensei bestowed on him.

Lee carries those words in his heart, and that evening when they're alone on the deserted training grounds, he knows what he has to do.

He knows he has to confess, but that isn't what happens.

What happens is, Gai-sensei helps him redo the bandages on his right hand.

Lee feels the touch of those strong, capable fingers on his skin, and sensei's face is so incredibly close, close enough for Lee to count the hairs of his beautiful dark eyelashes. Gai-sensei's lips…

Lee can't help himself, he lurches forward on rubber knees and presses his lips to Gai-sensei's.

He follows his heart.

And the first nanosecond, that tiny interval of time, when his lips touch Gai-sensei's and he feels their warmth, knowing that in this instant he and Gai-sensei are closer than they've ever been before – that first moment is heaven.

But then Lee feels Gai-sensei tense, he feels Gai-sensei's hands on his shoulders, he feels himself being pushed away, gently but firmly.

And then Gai-sensei is looking at him, and his eyes are full of anguish and sadness and _pity_.

"Lee…" he says, his voice pained, cracking on the next small syllable. "No."  
"Gai-sensei…" Lee says because there really is nothing else left to say.

Behind them the sun is setting, but Lee, being held at arm's length by his beloved teacher, is too sad, too ashamed, even for tears.

Maybe heartbreak is part of growing up, too.


	34. KakaGai, pain

"He can't feel anything now," the young medic tells him as he slips the needle under the skin on the back of Gai's limp hand.

It's meant as a comfort, Kakashi knows that.

It's wasted on him, though.

Because when he looks at Gai's body – the contusions, the lacerations, the fractured bones – the purple, red and white – _he_ feels it all.

And it feels like someone is flaying his heart.

Bearing this, it's asking too much, it's more than Kakashi can give.

He won't be here when Gai wakes up.


	35. KakaGai, loss

If Gai knows one thing intimately, it's pain. He knows all the different kinds. The sharp slap of Sensei hitting him upside the head, the sting of being pierced by Genma's senbon, the nauseating throb of being trapped in one of Ebisu's nasty genjutsu, the needle prick of being called _loser_ and _moron_, the searing, roaring agony of ripping the gates open.

And he knows how to deal with them, how to get through them, how to push them away into the far corner of his mind until they're nothing but a small irritation. Even better, he has learnt how to use them as fuel for the fire of passion that burns inside of him, always.

Anyway, you could say that he, Maito Gai, is an _expert_ when it comes to pain.

So why?

Why can't he give a name to this new _thing_ he sees in Kakashi's single eye as Minato-sensei leads his rival through the village gates, past the gaping guards and civilians?

Minato-sensei's hand is on Kakashi's shoulder, steering him as if he can't be trusted to walk on his own.

Kakashi's right arm is bloody. Old blood that's crusted into a second skin, that might come off in flakes.

Rin-chan isn't with them.

His heart knows things that his head will never understand. It's always been like that for Gai.

It knows that the look in Kakashi's eye is not like scars, not like bruises, not like broken bones. It won't fade and it won't heal. From now on, it will _be_ there.

And he doesn't know what to call the pain he feels when he looks at Kakashi, when he realizes.

He doesn't even know how to describe it.

But this new pain is like a language, and with dread curdling in his stomach he suspects that one day he, too, will be fluent in it.


	36. InoSakura, retribution

She's caught Sakura loitering around the shop three times this week alone, so Ino's not really surprised, when, finally, forehead girl does dare to enter, to push the door open and step inside like any other customer. Except that she_ is _kind of surprised, really.

She hasn't seen Sakura since the funeral, after all, but that's neither here nor there.

You'd be pretty busy, anyway, being one-third Hokage, or whatever they're calling _that_ arrangement now.

Not that Ino cares.

She's out.

Beautiful flower shop owner, that's all she is now.

That's all she wants to be at the moment.

So she wipes the counter and shoots Sakura an entirely artificial smile. "Can I help you?" She swallows the "Miss" that wants to attach itself to the end of the question, all sugary-sticky. That would be taking it too far.

And Sakura… Sakura folds her arms across her chest – still flat, Ino would have smirked if she weren't so in shopkeeper mode – and cocks her hip and looks at her with piercing green eyes.

Sakura's eyes sweep the counter – in all its now shiny glory – they skirt the flowers, they settle on Ino's green apron.

"Ino," she says, all challenge, "really?"

Ino can feel the judgment; she _doesn't_ care.

"Yeah,_really_," she replies brightly, even as her fingers dig into the wet sponge. She feels like flinging the thing into Sakura's face, but she's way too mature for that kind of thing these days. She's a war veteran now.

These days, Ino is the one who gets asked to take her dad's place in ANBU - she declined, but still – and Sakura, well, Sakura is the one who puts the "ho" in Hokage, isn't she?

They're not little girls anymore.

"Are you going to beg now, Forehead girl?" Ino puts her sponge down and folds her arms, mirroring Sakura. There is nothing Sakura can do that Ino can't. Nothing.

Except come home to her dad waiting for her. Or talking to her dad. Or just plain seeing him.

Ever again.

_Fuck. _

How did things turn out like this, that's what Ino would like to know. How did Ino come out the loser? Because that's what she is.  
That's the thing with rivalries, in the end, someone loses. It's inevitable.

And everybody knows.

They look at Sakura and they look at her, and they _know_.

Like they know that Kakashi-sensei has semi-retired and is spending all his time reading creepy porn in public, proudly. He had three students and all of them have made Hokage – at the same time, but still.

While Gai-sensei… well, people say he's gone nuts, and no wonder after what happened, but really, with him, how can you possibly tell?

Fact is, Gai-sensei lost.

As for them, Haruno Sakura is Hokage and Yamanaka Ino… is Yamanaka Ino.

Flower shop owner who refuses to play the game any longer.

And maybe this is her revenge, the only one she's ever going to get on Sakura for having and _keeping_ it all.

It's not much, but it is _something_.

So maybe a month from now she _will_ be in ANBU, sifting through brains and wiping people's minds as easily as she keeps her dad's shop running.

But Sakura doesn't have to know that yet.


	37. TentenGai, shame

It wasn't even the outfit, or the way he looked in general, although that certainly didn't help, but the way he acted. Just no. No way. There should be _no_ way anyone could possibly find that attractive, right? That obsession with youth? The way he talked? The ridiculous challenges with his "eternal rival? Hell, the fact that he _had_ an eternal rival! (Who, by the way, was way hotter and cooler!)

Anyway, there was nothing hot about Gai-sensei, absolutely _nothing_.

And if anyone ever found out that she had to tell herself this every night before going to bed and dreaming—

No, Tenten would _never_ be able to live it down.


	38. KakashiGai, death

In the end, on the blood-soaked battlefield, within the circle of the fallen, Gai's last words are as unsurprising as his death.

Kakashi can barely hear the words that make blood bubble, red like chewing gum, in the corner of Gai's mouth. He has to bring his ear down to Gai's cracked lips until Gai's last breath tickles the small area of bare skin between mask and headband.

"It... hurts less than I thought..." Gai says and with that he dies in Kakashi's tired arms, surprisingly undramatically, just like that.

Kakashi hesitates. He waits, listening for Gai's next breath, hoping. Although Gai's death has already bored deep into his heart, he remains, kneeling on the soft ground, his ear touching Gai's lips, one hand resting under Gai's torn vest, the other supporting his neck. It's almost a hug, _almost_, and it never will be a proper one again.

Kakashi doesn't move. His head turned away, he stares past his friend's body stubbornly. He doesn't want to see the smile on Gai's motionless lips, the open eyes that are looking at the stars, for the first time without seeing them.

It hurts more than he thought.


	39. KakashiGai, shame

It's always when you try to avoid someone that they show up. That was the kind of thing Genma would say. Gai had never believed it, not until now that he was actually face to face with his rival – whom he hadn't been able to find _anywhere_ during the previous week when he'd wanted to challenge him – and now on the one day he _didn't _want to see Kakashi...

He showed up, wandering onto Gai's favorite training field out of the blue. He came right to the tree under which Gai was lying, spread-eagled like a discarded doll.

"Yo! Something wrong?" Kakashi gave Gai a mildly curious glance.  
It was more than he could take.

"I've failed, Rival!" he wailed; the words just burst right out of him. "I've done something unforgivable!"

"Hm? What did you do?" Kakashi simply continued to look down at him, hands in his pockets, cool and untouchable as usual. Under normal circumstances, this attitude would have made Gai furious, but, at this point, he couldn't even muster anger anymore.

"I fell asleep during watch last night…" Gai said, his mind going back to the moment Sensei had kicked him into startled awareness. "I could have gotten my whole team killed!" Sensei's words still rang in his head.

Kakashi just sighed in a _can't be helped_ sort of way that was _totally_ inappropriate. "Your sensei got mad, huh?"

"Yeah…" He must have been mad, that much Gai knew. But Sensei hadn't yelled, although Gai wished he had. He'd just looked at Gai; it hadn't even been an especially hard look, just… disappointed. Thinking about it made Gai want to cry.

_When you have watch, your comrades trust you with their lives. You hold them in your hands, Gai. Tonight, they trusted you and you dropped them into the dirt. Now, I won't wake them and tell them, but you and I know, don't we, Gai?_

He wanted to roll over onto his belly and bury his head in the grass.

"Let me guess, you trained and ran around all day although you knew you had watch that night," Kakashi drawled, his tone offensively light.

This was too much! Enraged – with himself more than Kakashi – Gai pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"I… I should have been able to do it!" And yet he hadn't… It hurt, knowing that he'd failed… Maybe his teachers at the academy had been right after all, maybe… But no, there was Kakashi, the genius, standing in front of him, his goal was right there. Gai would reach him, he _would_.

"From now on, I'll train so hard that I'll never get tired anymore! I'll train until I don't need to sleep ever again!" he shouted, balling his fists as hard as he could, until only the bandages kept his blunt nails from breaking the skin of his palms.

"Can't you ever quit with the pointless exaggeration?" Kakashi sighed. "Gai, mistakes happen. You'll know not to overdo it next time."

Kakashi and his damn coolness! Why couldn't he understand?!

"That's not—" He didn't know how to express himself, how to describe how he'd_ felt_, how he was _still_ feeling, "I let them down! I was useless and stupid and— A mistake like that can never be forgiven!"

It _shouldn't _be forgiven! _People who let their comrades down are the worst trash_ wasn't that what Kakashi always said?  
As tears were burning in Gai's eyes, blurring his vision, Kakashi turned towards the village, away from him.

He would go now, Gai realized. Kakashi would go, taking step after step, further and further away from him, and he, Gai, would have to earn his respect again, with blood and sweat and tears

He _would_, too.  
He would be Kakashi's equal, no matter how long it took.  
He would be his rival.

And in the end, he would be Kakashi's friend.

Kakashi, however, didn't move. He stood, looking at something far away, something Gai couldn't see.

When he spoke, his voice was so soft, Gai had to strain to make out the words.

"All mistakes can be forgiven," Kakashi said. "The only thing that would be unforgivable is if you let yourself get killed. As long as you come back alive, Gai, I can forgive you."

Then he left, but Gai didn't chase after him. He stayed right where he was, sitting under a tree on his favorite training field, tears in his eyes, stunned.


	40. KakashiGai, shame 2

Kakashi has a secret shame. He figures everybody has one, so it shouldn't be so bad.

However…

However, Kakashi's secret shame is a hand job he got from Gai at the age of fifteen. From _Gai_, of all people and when he was _fifteen_. That might be a problem because at fifteen, you're not really a child anymore. They'd both already had the talk; technically they should have known better.

Then again, it had only been a onetime thing; they never ever mentioned it again.

For all anybody knows, it never even happened.

Which is a little funny because usually Gai has the social grace of a raging rhinoceros. And yet, somehow, with this, even _he_ must have experienced some form of morning after shame.  
Huh.

It stings a little somewhere in Kakashi's ego (not his heart) although it really shouldn't.

The problem is this: he still thinks about it.

Sometimes, when he is alone, he recalls that strange night; he tries to remember exactly how it felt. The touch of his best friend's hand. The touch of someone who truly loved him - albeit platonically- (because Gai _does _for whatever reason, not even Kakashi can doubt that anymore).

He thinks about it, and he wonders if Gai does, too.

If, when he does, Gai is ashamed.

He wonders if that's all it is now, just one shared shameful memory.

If it ever could have been more.


	41. Gai & Lee, brothers

His Biwako had been there. She'd been the first to hold the crying baby boy in her arms. She'd been the one to hear the mother, a trembling, terrified waif of fifteen, whisper, "Get rid of it, get rid of it, getridofit" over and over until the words bled together into one endless, unintelligible moan of agony.

She'd told him after, tears in her eyes, and she'd never been the crying kind – only tears of fury.

He still remembers the look she gave him back then, as she stood in front of him, cradling Asuma in her arms.

"Do something, Hiruzen."

* * *

The second time, thirteen years later, she was there as well.

The Kunoichi, Biwako told him afterwards, had not screamed once during birth. She'd hardly made a sound. She wouldn't look at the baby when it was there. Another boy. If it had been a girl, Biwako said, maybe…

He put his arms around her – he still remembers the way she leaned into his embrace, the way her body felt against his.

"I will find whoever did this, Biwako, I swear."

* * *

By the time sightings of a certain missing nin are reported to him, Biwako is gone.

Her scent has long since faded from their bed sheets, her clothes are feeding the moths in their closet. It's been almost twenty years since the first.

Still, Hiruzen is aware of his duty.

It is the same man. The man whose file is on his desk. Descriptions Biwako herself coaxed out of the two victims, scrawls on yellowed paper, and now, finally, a photo to go with them.

He has black hair and black eyes, sharp teeth. He is a beast dressed up in human skin.

And his sons are the spitting image of him.

* * *

Hiruzen gave a promise. All he wants is to go himself and fulfill it, however, he is here, in Konoha, miles away from the monster and by the time he gets to the Land of Rivers the man might already be gone again and not surface for the next seven years. He can't have that. There is an ANBU squad in the vicinity – they might not have been his first choice – but they're closest and experienced enough to handle it.

He sends a bird with his orders.

Three days later the ANBU Captain is in his office.

"It's done, Hokage-sama," he says. "The body is at the morgue."  
Hiruzen can feel the inquisitive stare coming from behind that expressionless dog mask.

This one might have figured it out already– they don't call him a genius for nothing – but either way there is no undoing it now.

So Hiruzen just nods. "That will be all."

* * *

When he burns the file in front of the picture of his Biwako, he looks at her smiling eyes through the thin wisps of smoke and drops the ashes at her feet.


	42. tumblr prompt fills

**The bitterness of mortality**

Sometimes Kakashi imagines what it might be like in the end. He figures it will be outside, under a grey, wide open sky. He thinks he might approve if there was rain, sheets of it, preferably. Pounding into the earth hard enough to pierce it. Gai's chakra will be the single spot of color, a flaring blue flame, hot enough to melt bones.

Gai will transcend his body in the end, Kakashi thinks. Or maybe that's just what he hopes.

The truth is that he has nightmares about Gai's body breaking open, organs spilling out, ribs punctuating skin. Kakashi can see them, sharp and thin like antlers, pink with blood and organ juice.

Sometimes Kakashi has to hide behind his porn, so Gai can't see how afraid he is.

* * *

**black ice**

It happens when his lover's strong – _not strong enough_ - legs are wrapped around his waist. They're in bed together, the sheets are twisted on the floor somewhere with their pillows. Tonight they're rough, passionate. Kakashi's eye is squeezed shut, he's wants to focus only on the sensations. The slow burn, as if he's being sucked in and pushed out again.

Harsh hands that slide across his back, grasping for purchase. Kakashi wishes they were more calloused, bigger.

Still, it's easy to get lost in it, to forget. That's what makes him slip up, that's what makes him gasp, "Gai!"

Needless to say, Iruka is not amused.

* * *

**I still see your ghost**

Obito hangs around Kakashi like a dark cloud. He is a shard of glass buried underneath Kakashi's skin, almost invisible, but painful, _there_. You can see the memories cloud Kakashi's eye, and not just when he's standing in front of the memorial.

No, there are always moments when Obito manifests, suddenly, out of nowhere. Kakashi remembers then, and Gai can tell. He can see that little jolt of lightning strike between Kakashi's shoulder blades; he can see Kakashi tense up, his whole body going stiff with dread.

There's no stepping out of Obito's shadow.

_I beat you,_ Gai wants to say sometimes, to the indifferent stone, _it's not fair._

* * *

**Haunting melody**

The one memory that pops into his mind as Kakashi is crouching in the bushes, watching his pursuer's slow, careful approach, is Gai singing in the shower.

The sound of his strong voice bouncing off Kakashi's tiled bathroom walls while Kakashi himself is still lazing around in bed. A typical morning on a typical day off.

It's a terribly mundane memory to recall in what might be the final moments of his life.

He knows he should be thinking about something more profound, his losses, maybe, or his students, or – if it has to be Gai – then at least their first kiss.

Not such a small, ultimately irrelevant, detail of their lives.

But all he can think about is Gai's voice, full of joy, the occasional missed note somehow only adding to the overall beauty of the song.

Kakashi takes a deep, steady breath.

He's got something to fight for.

* * *

**Fatal accident**

"He's dead," Kakashi says unnecessarily, his pale, slender fingers resting on their target's neck.

Gai feels like pouting, to be honest. He'd been looking forward to the fight, and this?

The body they found crumpled at the bottom of the cliff, limbs bent at awkward angles, blood already dried into a splatter?

It's disappointing.

"I think he slipped somewhere up there." Kakashi points at the wall of jagged rock and Gai follows with his eyes obediently. "Guess they don't make S-ranked criminals like they used to, huh?"

"No," he says, thinking, _I wanted to fight him._

Thinking, _I wanted to kill him._

He tears himself away from the pitiful sight and feels Kakashi's eye bore holes into his back.

"I think I'm done with this ANBU-thing," Kakashi says on their way home, apropos of nothing. "Might be time to try my hand with the kiddies, what do you think, Gai? You up for _that_ challenge?"

The stiff, cold ANBU mask hides Gai's sudden smile, but not his laugh.

"Helping Konoha's precious youth become splendid shinobi? Count me in, Rival!"

* * *

**dancing with the devil**

Uchiha Itachi is strong; Kakashi knew that. What he hadn't known was that Uchiha Itachi is stronger than him. Stronger and younger and _better_.

It takes Itachi all of three seconds to defeat him, completely and utterly defeat him, to send him sinking down into the depths of the lake, headed for rock bottom.

When he wakes up, this is what he remembers:

The sun swimming above him, slowly drifting out of his reach.

And then, just before he's swallowed, irretrievably lost, a hand reaching for him, pulling him up into the light.

Gai.

* * *

**Flashes of euphoria**

The first time Kakashi actually _looks_ at him, Gai thinks he might just fall over dead from joy. Before, Kakashi's gaze would somehow simply go right through him, as if Gai wasn't even there, as if he was just a phantom or a ghost, already gone or non-existent to begin with.

Not this time, though.

This time, Kakashi is looking right at Gai. Maito Gai, who's just managed to knock sensei over during taijutsu practice, something no other kid in their class has ever managed, not even _genius _Kakashi.

And it doesn't even matter to him that all the other kids are staring at him as well, that sensei is blinking up at him from where he's lying in the dirt. All that matters are Kakashi's dark eyes resting on Gai, for the first time seeing someone worth his attention.

* * *

**Terror in the night**

There are nights when Kakashi feels the edge under his feet, when he knows one slight tremble will send him toppling over into the abyss. Those nights he comes home drained and empty. He comes home with a gallery of horrors stitched into the inside of his eyelids.

He doesn't go to sleep then –although he is tired, _exhausted _– he goes to a certain roof from where he'll look at a certain building, searching for an uncertain light in that one window. It's not always on, but he looks for it all the same, hoping and longing.

* * *

**The vacuum of time**

Sometimes it's like time stands still on the training field with Gai. The world freezes around them, visible only in a blur as if veiled, leaving only _them_. Always in motion, chasing each other through the grass, across the lake's shimmering surface, into the forest.

Kakashi can get lost in those seconds, those minutes, those hours.

He doesn't forget – he _never_ does – but when he dodges Gai's kicks and parries his punches, the weight on his shoulders becomes lighter.

_He_ becomes lighter.


	43. KakaGai birthday boy

By the time his birthday party is over, Kakashi is on the floor, fast asleep. His empty glass has rolled out of his grasp and is lying on its side just a few inches from his open hand.

The lights in the bar have been all but switched off and Gai is getting certain looks from the staff members. It's four in the morning; everyone else has left, even Anko.

It's only the two of them now.

Gai grins to himself. Seems like the surprise party was a success again. Kakashi tends to pretend he doesn't enjoy them, tends to withdraw into the corners and routinely wards off conversations with monosyllabic replies and his little book of porn, but in the end, he always gets drawn in; Gai always gets a few genuine smiles and on especially good nights even laughs out of him.

Tonight was a Good Night. All that's left to do now is to make sure that his rival gets home safe. Gai has a lot of practice in that regard. He's an expert in all matters concerning his Kakashi after all.

Gai gently picks him up, one arm supporting his friend's lolling head. Tonight he'll carry Kakashi home in his arms because it's easier and more comfortable than hoisting him onto his back would be. It's dark, anyway. This early in the morning no one will see them.

He likes this, the warm weight of Kakashi in his arms, the knowledge that there's no one else in the world who gets to do this, whom Kakashi trusts like this.

_His Kakashi._

Gai smiles to himself.

Maybe the thought is presumptuous… but no, he corrects himself as he steps into the cool night and feels Kakashi's breath tickle his neck.

It's not presumptuous, it's just ambitious.


	44. KakaGai, change

Kakashi is staring into the fire in front of him. It crackles and pops, feeds on the thin twigs Gai has hastily collected and piled up inside the uneven circle of stones he made. The fire spits out sparks, which burn up in the dark, gone before Kakashi has time to really _see _them.

He clenches his teeth, bites back even the tiniest sound of pain as Gai gently rolls up his scorched sleeve. The movement burns like fire licking his skin again. He doesn't have to look to know that fabric has melted into his flesh, that blue fibers have threaded into his arm.

"Sorry," says Gai. He's sitting on the ground next to Kakashi, facing him, but Kakashi does not look at him. The gentle breeze transforms yellow flames into fingers that reach out to Kakashi. If he closes his eyes, he still hears the screams.

The very moment he takes a deep breath, inhaling the smells of the forest, the smoke and the stench of his own wound, Gai's fingers find purchase on that horrible layer of ruined skin and sleeve and _pull_. The pain is quick, but all the more intense for it; for a second a black shutter falls and leaves Kakashi blind and deaf to everything that isn't agony. When he returns to the world, the metallic taste of blood is on his tongue.

"I'm sorry." Gai throws the scraps into the fire. Kakashi watches impassively as the flames devour the tiny pieces of himself stuck to formerly blue cloth. He closes his eyes while Gai begins to apply ointment. It feels like ice is melting on his hot skin.

"Kakashi ..." Gai's voice is unusually quietly but as insistent as ever. "What you did tonight… that was really heroic."

Heroic ... Ridiculous. Doesn't Gai know that heroic isn't a word you can apply to failure?

Kakashi continues to stare into the fire; he won't even dignify this half-hearted attempt to cheer him up with an answer. He's not in the mood. Miles and miles of forest lie between them and Konoha. Some part of Kakashi has already taken off, is slowly making that journey through the darkness by himself.

"Kakashi…"

There's rage under his skin all of a sudden, a boiling rage so intense, he thinks for a moment that it might make the rest of his body erupt into burns and blisters as well. He can't take Gai's empty words of folktale wisdom right now – if he has to hear just one _All that matters is that you tried!_, he knows he'll snap. Annoyed, he turns to Gai. He will tell Gai to leave him alone, he'll lash out at Gai, and Gai will puff himself up like an insulted peacock and maybe sulk for a while, but at least he'll shut up.

But when their eyes meet above Kakashi's open wound, he says nothing. The forest is dark and cool, the only movement comes from the fire's twitching flames.

It's the expression in Gai's eyes that makes Kakashi stop. Gai looks at him as if surprised, surprised by his own words, but at the same time his eyes hold a startling amount of conviction. Kakashi watches as Gai's bushy eyebrows shift into a frown as he struggles for words. There's something like fear in his eyes, somewhere behind their gleam of admiration and Gai's unbreakable determination.

The look makes warmth rise inside Kakashi's chest, from the bottom of his belly, right into his throat. It overshadows the burning pain of his injury; it silences his anger and the echo of those screams. At the same time it terrifies him; it makes his heart pound against his ribs. There's a raw truth in it, a truth that maybe Gai himself has only just glimpsed for the first time, and Kakashi is sure that neither of them is quite ready for it.

So all he can do is avert his eye, look at the flames again and feel their heat on his face. He focuses on that as Gai bandages his arm, so he doesn't have to pay too much attention to the gentle touch of Gai's hands and the way they seem to be stripping him of his defenses.

end.


	45. kakagai, arranged marriage - tumblr fill

"I hear congratulations are in order, Rival!"

Carefully, Kakashi averted his eye from the blinding smile, angling his gaze past Gai, past the ever offensive spandex and thumbs-up. He sighed.

The door had hit the wall with a bang and was ricocheting right back at Gai, trembling in its frame, its hinges whining. Gai caught it before it could slam into his face. Gai's smile, Kakashi couldn't help notice, had been in place too long already. He had stamina, sure, always, though especially when it came to smiling, but this one was starting to look frayed around the edges, twitchy.

"You heard right. I'm getting married," he said. The pages of the book in his hands felt smooth and brittle under his fingers. He tried to read another sentence, but there was the sunlight seeping in through the window and Gai's long shadow reaching towards him. Not to mention a woman in Kumogakure, a proud kunoichi from a powerful clan, a woman who probably deserved better. She'd given him a photo after the omiai, and he carried it dutifully in his vest pocket, over his heart.

She'd wanted one of him, but he'd had none to give her.

"Kakashi, you…!" Speechless with emotion, Gai had glittering tears in his eyes. He shed them, sparkling like diamonds, as he leapt towards Kakashi.

The embrace was awkward – Gai lifted him off the couch as if Kakashi was some kind of stuffed animal –and breathlessly tight.

He closed his eye against the warmth of Gai's shoulder, wishing to sink into it, into the moment, and said in a low voice, "It will be good for the village." Because that was the long and short of it, the truth and all that mattered.

"It will be good for _you_ and for your future children who will grow up in a world without war," Gai replied. His voice was choked up, caught in a grey zone between laughing and crying, and it rumbled through Kakashi's body like a landslide. It couldn't bury Kakashi's doubts regarding both statements – nothing could have – but he tried to hold onto it and Gai; he tried to forget about the creases their hug would leave in the picture in his pocket.

* * *

A.N.: frankly, at one point I kind of wanted to write this fic, but then I was like fuck it, you know. Who even cares?


	46. kakagai, growing old

Kakashi gets the update on Gai's health the way he usually gets his information; he wheedles it out of someone. In this case it's Sakura, who's always been kind of a pushover when it comes to his charm – well, maybe that hasn't exactly been true ever since she turned fifteen and started giving him that _look _sometimes. Anyway, she tells him quickly enough this time, after just a little hinting and prodding during his own routine health check.

"You know how it is… because of the gates," she says accusingly. "He's in pain, but there's only so much we can give him if we don't want to damage his liver and kidneys too severely. Not that that might matter all that much… with his heart being what it is." She dips her head to stare at her clipboard in pretend concentration and her hair catches the light, giving it that bright pink cotton candy glow.

He knows then that she has stopped thinking about Gai and has moved on to Lee instead. Lee, who, for years, used the same disastrous technique Gai did, and who as a consequence might someday find himself in the same position as his sensei. Sakura worries about that more than she worries about Gai, whose only weight lies in the way his death might affect Lee and therefore her family. Kakashi can't blame her for this.

"We're all getting older," he says. He tries for a light tone, but he can practically hear it fall flat. There's a cottony taste in his mouth. The truth is that he doesn't feel all that different; maybe he gets tired a little earlier than he used to – maybe—

Sakura taps her pen against her clipboard mechanically. "You're fine, sensei. You're fit for field duty. It's different for Gai-sensei. He might not—"

The way she bites her tongue tells him that he _has _gotten older. He's let the shock show on his face. His eye has widened and Sakura has seen into his heart. She looks away. So does he. The tiles on the floor are grey and worn; the one under his right foot is chipped and missing a corner.

She lets him go soon after. With a smile and a wave that reminds him of the little girl she no longer is.

* * *

Was it mercy that made her stop or cruelty? How would that sentence have ended? Kakashi's mind walks over rusty spikes of _He might not have long. He might have a year. He might die soon. He might be gone by next week._

He tells himself he's being a melodramatic old fool, but there's a voice in his head that mocks him for his naiveté.

* * *

It's not panic that leads him to Gai's place, merely a dull sense of guilt.

The knowledge that inside Gai will be puttering around by himself since he is a stubborn old bastard who refuses to let anyone help him, who will pretend to be fine whenever other people are around, but will have to lean heavily on whatever piece of furniture is close and bite back moans of pain whenever he thinks himself unobserved. Of course, they've all figured it out by now, even Lee.

Gai has always been bad at keeping secrets.

* * *

Just as Kakashi climbs in through the bedroom window, he hears one of those pained moans coming from the kitchen. It's where he finds Gai, hands splayed on the kitchen counter, bracing himself against the agony.

Sunlight flows in freely from the small window behind Gai, giving him a glow, making him look fuzzy, unreal, as if a single blink would be enough to wipe him away.

This is the cold certainty with which Kakashi has been living his whole life; the knowledge that everyone he cares about will eventually be taken away from him.

He swallows that knowledge like a bitter pill, but it sticks in his throat somewhere; it feels huge and slimy; it chokes him up to the point where tears are starting to well up in his eye. Old age has made him weak; that's the only explanation.

"Kakashi? What are you doing here?" Gai's head can still snap around, his brows can still lift in surprise and furrow in annoyance; he can still sense Kakashi's presence like a hound. Under his salt and pepper bangs his eyes narrow to slits.

"Nothing. I was in the neighborhood." Kakashi shoves his hands into his pockets. Hidden from view they clench into fists. The bottom of his stomach has dropped below his knees.

Gai doesn't want him here. He doesn't want Kakashi to see him. He knows—

He knows.

Time is coagulating between them. It's becoming a solid object.

An insurmountable wall.

And it tears Kakashi apart to know that in the end, when Gai is too weak to keep up the charade, they will be left with nothing but bitterness and silence.

* * *

A.N.: at one point I was going to write Kakashi and Gai get together when they're older fic, but well.


	47. tumblr: Kakashi, Gai, Team Gai

Occasionally Kakashi does still pause when he hears another one of those stories although they're old news by now, and he is a busy man, advisor of the Hokage and all that.

"But then I turned around and there was a kunai stuck in the target, right in the bull's eye!" Today it's a girl's voice, breathless and high-pitched, drifting over to him from the ramen stand as he walks past.

"So you forgot one, what's the big deal?" A boy.

"I didn't!" Kakashi can hear the sound of a bowl being set down in anger, a clack followed by a splash of ramen being spilled. Such a waste. "I never even hit the center…" the girl mumbles after a few seconds. Her cheeks are probably blushing in embarrassment.

"Someone was playing a prank on you, Rise, don't take it so hard."

"There was no one there! I—" She takes a breath, but it doesn't do much to calm her down. "There was nobody, I swear!"

"Except for the _ghost_, right?" The boy chuckles.

"Don't you dare laugh at me! It's not like I'm the only one who's had something strange happen to them there!"

Kakashi leans back against the cool wall of the building behind him. There's a strange feeling inside his chest; it feels tight and cold in there, as if a cloud of fog is enclosing his heart.

_I heard this weird laugh once… _

_Laugh? Are you kidding me? Someone was counting, I heard it loud and clear! _

_No, it's nothing as obvious as that. It just feels like someone's watching me, you know?_

_The equipment there breaks much faster than on any other training ground, have you noticed that? _

Stories, rumors.

Kakashi doesn't know why, but whenever he hears them, he feels like something is drawing him there. A red string tied around his finger, the opposite of fate.

* * *

Silence greets him on training field nine. Everything is as expected. Birds rustling around in the trees. Splintering training posts, the sound of fists pounding them suspiciously absent.

A single kunai embedded in the red center of a straw-stuffed practice dummy. Whoever painted the target apparently wasn't very careful because the color has run; the bull's eye is not a perfect circle but red bleeding into the white surrounding it.

Kakashi approaches slowly. Rise-chan, he thinks, must have left the kunai behind in her haste to get away.

He's not listening for anything when he gets there, not for voices from the past, certainly not for that laugh he hasn't heard in years and will never hear again, he just wraps his hand around the hilt.

And it is warm. Warm against his scarred fingertips.

Memory unfurls in his heart like acrid smoke. It makes his eyes burn; it chokes him up.

_He's in a tree, crouching on a thick branch, and beneath him they're bickering. Three kids, probably the most awkward bunch he's ever seen – and he's seen a lot of awkward kids, and failed every single one of them, just like you're supposed to. _

_But obviously Gai didn't get the memo because there he is, grinning up at Kakashi as if this was__ some kind of challenge and he's won._

_"Don't tell me you passed them," Kakashi drawls._

_"Of course I did! Just look at them! They're perfect!" A lesser man would have been blinded by Gai's sparkling teeth; Kakashi, however, has grown used to it – as much as is humanly possible, at least. He just directs his glance past Gai, at the children._

_The Hyuuga boy has turned away from the other two, the girl has folded her arms across her chest, and - Kakashi does a little double-take – can it really be? – Yes, the third one is actually crying. They're clearly a mess._

_"Aren't they cute?" Like a mother holding her still raw and bloody baby directly after birth, Gai seems to have lost all sense for the muck and stench clinging to his new little charges. Kakashi feels the distinct urge to edge away from his friend lest he catch some of Gai's crazy._

_Those kids are not cute. Having observed them for less than two minutes, Kakashi can already tell that the girl is too gangly and awkward for Gai's brand of taijutsu, the Hyuuga might be talented, but it's clear that his haughty personality will make it difficult to teach him anything and number three… Kakashi's jaw clenches under his mask. It's better not to think about the kind of things that happen to kids like number three. _

_At best, their cuteness is the cuteness of the puppies still in the litter after all their siblings have been adopted. _

_They're leftover puppies. Damaged goods.  
_

_"Yeah, I don't think so," Kakashi sighs, hoping he hasn't inadvertently triggered an outburst and subsequent challenge with his careless honesty. He'd hate to have the day off he earned by failing his brats early taken over by Gai. _

_But, strangely, nothing of the sort happens. _

_Gai just starts laughing._

_Loudly and freely, like he hasn't got a care in the world._

_"You may think they don't look like much now! But I will turn them into Konoha's strongest team! Just you watch, Kakashi! The will of fire will burn more brightly in Team Gai than in anyone else!"_

_Kakashi notices that all three brats are staring at their sensei now. _

_All they see is their new teacher laughing at a tree like a madman. Great job, Gai, Kakashi thinks exasperatedly. _

_What a promising start. _

Just you watch…

The laughter has long since faded. Everything's gone quiet around Kakashi.

He lets go of the kunai. He leaves it where it is. It might scare a few more genin; there might be more ghost stories.

Stories, rumors. That's all that's left.

Hatake Kakashi is not a superstitious man.

He knows training field nine isn't actually haunted.

No matter how much he sometimes he wishes it was.


	48. Reunion, Gai gen

Sunlight, syrupy golden, filtering through his eyelashes. A brightness that, strangely, doesn't hurt even when he looks directly into its burning heart, color washed out the clear blue sky and the last thing he remembers the smell of melting flesh.

Gai blinks, flexing fingers and toes and feeling the feathery tickle of grass against his skin. He remembers the taste of ashes in his mouth, pain like nothing he'd ever felt before, every cell of his body on fire.

Now, though, there's no pain.

He gets up slowly, plants his feet on the ground and surveys the area. A field, wider than the training grounds he's used to, more colorful, flowers nodding their heavy heads in the breeze and he knows. Kakashi's eyes, the look on Lee's face. Images that recede, are overshadowed by the presence he realizes he's been feeling ever since he opened his eyes, maybe even before.

When Gai turns around, he already knows what he will see and yet his heart still somersaults in his chest the very moment he spots the man standing there, waiting for him.

_He_'s laughing and crying, tears catching the light, sparkling like diamonds. He's more handsome than Gai remembered and _so much younger_. But he's still—

"Father…" Gai's been carrying that word in his chest since he slammed his fist against his ribcage, forcing the last gate open.

"Gai! You-!" There he is, _dad_, his hair waving in the wind, running towards Gai.

Gai sees his father draw back his fist, much slower than he remembers. He could easily block this one, but he realizes that he doesn't want to. Gai closes his eyes. He can already feel the sting of his father's strong right; he can feel the tears swelling under his eyelids. _Papa…_

"You IDIOT!" The _whoosh _of displaced air and then…

No impact. His father's hairy knuckles rest against Gai's clean-shaven cheek. A tremor that he can feel reverberate through his own bones.

"You shouldn't be here. It's too early for you…" Gai's never heard his father's voice tremble quite like this. He swallows against the thickening lump in his throat. It's useless, of course, tears are already rolling down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Father. I had to protect—"

"Don't apologize, Gai! How could I be mad at you?!" His father's eyes, shining with pride. Gai had almost forgotten how it felt to be on that receiving end of that look. Almost. They both move at the same time, taking that last step into a rib-crushing hug.

They cling to each other for what could easily be an eternity, weeping with joy and sorrow.

end.


	49. tumblr prompt: hands

Kakashi's thoughts run in riddles through his head, inscrutable and foreign to himself; he's never felt much, or maybe he's always felt so much that to pick out a single emotion was impossible, but as he's holding Gai's limp, bandaged hand now, there's one emotion that swallows up everything else. _Rage,_ hot and blinding. He's mad at himself; he's mad at Gai, at Obito, at _Rin, _at all the other insignificant kids who never stood out but somehow still ended up in the line of fire, trying to protect _him._

It's going to end, and this time it won't be with another name etched into the stone. Kakashi is going to put a stop to this; he's going to do his duty; he's going to vanish into Anbu. Gai will just have to find another rival.

He lets go of Gai's hand and slips out the window without looking back. Gai will be alone when he wakes up.

It's better this way.


	50. KakaGai Literature

He's got one thumb hooked between the pages of Icha Icha because he really doesn't want to lose his place. He hates losing his place; that only leads to paging through the whole book again and getting lost somewhere on the way. This time he was going to read the thing from start to finish in one go, since that's the only way to properly experience Icha Icha.

But Gai has other plans. Plans that involve nuzzling the inside of Kakashi's thigh while pulling down the zipper of Kakashi's pants.

Kakashi groans. It's an exasperated groan,_ not_ a turned on one. _Definitely._

If anything, Gai's efforts are tickling him. Although…

"I'm trying to read here…" he mumbles, his free hand settling on Gai's head, fingers winding into that smooth black hair. He is going to push Gai away and get back to his book any second now. Except that Gai breathes in deeply through the fabric and Kakashi feels that rush of coolness followed by humid warmth on his skin when Gai exhales again. The effect is immediate. A stab of liquid heat, blood shooting into his groin. Kakashi hisses,_"Gai!" _and pulls on that awful haircut.

"Do you want me to stop?" There's no way someone should be able to look that innocent with his head between someone else's legs, but somehow Gai manages. Kakashi feels like kicking him.

"You're terrible." He's actively lifting his hips, even as he says it. The couch makes an obscene squeaking noise as he slides bonelessly into the cushions.

"Does that mean yes?" Thanks to his assistance, Gai has Kakashi's pants at half-mast now. He plants his hands on Kakashi's bare thighs and looks up at him with faux indecision. "Rival?"

"No… No, don't stop!" Kakashi hates himself a little for this. He makes sure to roll his eyes and pull a face under his mask that says, _Ugh, the sacrifices I make for this relationship._ Oblivious to his coolness for once, Gai just smiles at him, licking his lips, the _bastard._

"I'm going to make you read this to me later," Kakashi drawls, already too breathless to keep up the charade.

* * *

When his volume of Icha Icha hits the floor with a _thump_ three seconds later, Kakashi barely even notices.


End file.
